AATH: Not having "perfect birth" experience

[JustPeachy]

Pg 44:
"Interestingly, we've talked to manywomen over the years who attended natural childbirth classes, yet for various reasons did not have the "perfect birthing" experience that they had wanted. Those women seem to have an easier time dealing with their disappointment than those who wonder what might have happended if they had been more prepared. It seems to be harder on a mother to accept a disappointing or difficult birth when she was not informed enough about the process of labor and delivery, and the doctor was allowed to make all the decisions. We feel strongly that birth is such a transformative and empowering experience that each pregnant mother deserves to have the best information, enabling her to make the best decisions for her and her baby. The critical time to gather this information is well before the birth."

We were hoping for a hypnobirthing combined with water birth for our labor and delivery exeperience. It ended up me having a C-section due to my dd being breech and she was leaking meconium. I was able to use the tool of hypnobirthing which totally helped since I was at height of having the flu virus. Even though we didn't have the experience we wanted it wasn't a disappointment for us. I wasnt' resentful. I believe it was because of what was stated above by Barbara and Lysa.

What about you?

[JustPeachy]

Pg 49:
Have the knowledge that... not all birthing bodies evolve equally thorugh life and you are not a failure because you required medical intervention, and you haven't messed up your kid up for life because you required separation at birth.

Realize that our feelings of grieve over having a C-section are completely separate from, and do not lessen, the love you feel for your baby. You can feel grief and love and thankfulness, all at the same time.

[Reggie22]

Hi Stephanie, thank you for this thread. I too, was hoping for a home, water birth - or, at least, a home birth. I had one of those idyllic pregnancies - really loved being pregnant and it was a very special time in my relationship, very close, despite some stresses at times - naturally. I loved the feel, the clothes and was fortunate to be healthy, able to move, walk often, do yoga etc. Anyway, 12 days before my due date, I went down with a horrible, horrible flu! I couldn't sleep, and was getting highly, highly anxious. My husband, then decided, for some unknown reason, to start a cleansing detox, and had bad diarrhea. I was so annoyed, cos' I wanted the apartment clean and healthy for the home birth and he had cleaned it wonderfully for us. More importantly, I didn't want him running to the toilet every 10 mins when he was my birthing partner. Anyway, he said he's stop it - but he didn't, thinking he wouldn't have a repeat of the diarrhea. So, one night when I was getting over the flu, starting to rest a bit better and really, really working hard my relaxation skills, and meditate etc etc - he started running to the bathroom! it not only stopped me from sleeping, but it just irritated me no end - this was now the week, I knew I would go in to labor. We ended up arguing and then the next day I had a panic attack. He was very caring and very there for me, but at the time, I felt he was selfish and I felt abandoned almost, which is why I panicked.

Long story - short - I ended up stalling my labor, cos' my body wouldn't allow it cos' of this stress (when I knew my body was trying). My waters broke two days later; we were reunited, but the stress and the flu, had left me tired really. I started off at home, but after 29 hrs of labor and 4 hrs pushing, the midwife suggested we move because of the risk for bleeding. I agreed. I had been managing the pain fine at home - it was really ok.

However, during the car ride, I felt so awful and my husband seemed so disappointed that I went -in to my head' and let all the pain come in to my body and it was really intense and I was screaming. I had an epidural, slept for hour and half, as I was exhausted after such a lengthy labor, with obviously no sleep - .and then - my beautiful daughter was born vaginally. Yet, she was very upset from this journey. I was so angry with my husband, despite his wonderful support and energy during the birth and labor, and his words of kindness. We were really close, but I was so angry at him for contributing to my stress, and being so involved with this detox thing, instead of honoring my wishes. I had a lot of disappointment for my daughter seemed to have had a stressful birth. In other ways, I felt empowered and on top of the world. A strange mixture. The hospital staff were also really great! and helpful.

My daughter is one year's old in 2 weeks, and I am very reflective of this time. Part of me isn't quite at peace with it, but I am resolving it also. It has been a magical year.

Thank you.

[JustPeachy]

I can completely understand where you are at. Take the time that you need. I really was touched by reading about your experience.