Eczema and crying

[saradubois]

Hi
I'm really stuggling with my 1 yr old. When she eats something she's allergic to I get a lot of crying and it's hard to cope. I've been attending to her quickly when she cries for other reasons, but when it's this she's very grizzley and I find it hard to cope, because I don't usually ignore her. I've given her her medicines (homeopathic and herbal) but it just takes time for her stomach to heal and the pain to reduce.

Today I yelled at her "just give me a Minute" cos I was on the phone trying to listen to a recorded message. And I realised I needed some time out. So I rang parent helplines trying to find what to do. The old stuff is to put her in the cot, safe and leave the room to cool off. But she doesn't have a cot (co-sleeping) and she's so advanced she'd climb out if she had one. Trying to get an amount of time out of the helplines that I could leave her was very frustrating. I know the "Timeout" thing is 1 minute per year, but I need about 5 minutes by myself to centre.

So I ended up trying a couple of things.
Putting her in the bathroom, so I could talk on the phone. - She cried a lot.
Going into the garden and she could see me through the glass doors. She was crying for 30 secs then started fiddling with the curtains and stopped. I could potter in the garden and I felt better then went inside.

The glass seemed better, cos she knew where I was.

Should I start leaving her more to get used to it? I'd rather just do it when necessary.

Boy it's hard cos she gets more clingy but I can give her cuddles once I've had some ear rest.

Any other ideas?

[naomifrederickmd]

"Timeout" thing is 1 minute per year Not that that even works really!

Have you tried doing these things when she is napping or eating? If I put my 20 month in his highchair with something he likes I can get a few minutes for a phone call or other thing in the room with him. I think you need to make sure you have decompression time for yourself a few times a day so it does not build up.
Do you have a friend that could come over and watch her own and your kid a morning a week and then you can reciprocate? That really works for me and a number of people in our group. It is easier to have that network then doing it all by yourself.

My second son has been a louder stronger vocal child compared to my first and I find I sometimes get desentitized to it. I know that it is not too good to get to the point where I expect him to be crying because I think being sensitive to him is important to his wellbeing and our relationship. It is that reason why you might need to get that time for yourself, to keep a balance.
What is she allergic too?

Other ideas to distract a toddler so you can 'do stuff'
Get a bird feeder right outside your window-- hours of watching fun.
Go in the backyard! If your phone works out there most likely you will be less bothered if you rearrange some toys or put some rarely used outside.
Babysit a slightly older kid. Sure it may be more work sometimes but they play together a lot and it is less "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY" all the time (worked for me)
Get out of the house. Go to a fenced playground and balance your checkbook while he plays in the sandbox.
Get 'Me' time when hubby is home or arrange one night a week for an hour or two with your kid at the grandparents.....Just to recharge!
If you really need to check that voice message because Grand-ma is in the hospital and you NEED to check it RIGHT NOW ....put on a TV show!

Try to pick your battles, was that voice message as important as that moment between your daughter and you? Could you had gotten a picture book out? Could you have given her a pretzel? Try to set her up with something before you check them. She sounds like she is acting her age and the transition out of babyhood can be tough on a parent because it needs entirely different skills in some ways.

Parents Need Boundaries, Too
by Carrie Kerr (http://www.attachmentparenting.org/support/articles/artboundries.php)-click for link

Setting Limits with Young Children (http://www.handinhandparenting.org/csArticles/articles/000000/000025.htm) -click for link

Below from The Time Crunch: Mending Our Lives (http://www.handinhandparenting.org/csArticles/articles/000000/000042.htm)-click for link
We parents also have needs. We need warm human contact with other grown-ups. We need praise and reassurance for the job we do as parents. We need a way to release the feelings we store up, day after day, while we do the best job we can with our children. And we need a chance to relax, free from worry and guilt.

A Balancing Act- API Speaks Blog Post (http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2008/07/17/a-balancing-act/)-click for link

The API Balance Principle- http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/balance.php (http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/balance.php)-click for link
The API Discipline Principle- http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/disc.php (http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/disc.php) -click for link

[saradubois]

Thanks so much Naomi those are great ideas. I'm a single mum so it's an extra load.

I might ask the little girl next door to visit. And the high chair and food, she LOVES eating.

Baby is allergic to milk, wheat, tomato family, mandarins, soy... quite the major food groups.

You're right about the next stage thing, she's very advanced and is like an 18 month old in the books, so it's a leap for me to keep up, just got a great toddler book from LLLeague so I hope I'll be even more prepared soon.

[naomifrederickmd]

I can see how single mothers can get extra burnt out (my mom was!) Please find that support system!

I belong to this great group about living with food allergies and having children who have them. You might find it supportive to you (I do, my son is allergic to dairy)
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/foodlab/?yguid=264691946
They might have ideas on how to avoid exposure and dealing with others who do not understand.

Keep coming here for support too!