My heart almost broke...

[joey's mom]

My brother and sister-in-law had a little girl last week and when I spoke to my brother Saturday a.m., I asked how she slept the night before. He said, "Well, we fed her and layed her down. She cried for a while, but eventually fell asleep." :( She was 3 days old at that point and they let her CIO. I was about in tears for that little girl... 3 days old and CIO! :mad: Obviously, they are not AP friendly. I know they look at me like I'm a crazy hippie... Anyway, just had to vent to likeminded people!

[PaxMamma]

I know they look at me like I'm a crazy hippie...

i wear it like a badge! :banana

:hug seriously, i'm sorry that someone close to you is choosing this path. it is hard to watch, i know. my brother is the same way w/their children. :(

[blessedmama]

That is so very sad. Poor baby.:(

[mama4love]

The poor baby... that is so hard to hear; I can't believe someone would do it on a baby that is only 3 days old. :(

[Megan]

Poor baby...I just don't understand how people can do that do their little ones! At 3 days old, I think the only time ds had even been set down was for diaper changes! I'm sorry you have to hear about this and live with that knowledge, how sad:hug

[naomifrederickmd]

Yes,
that is always hard to hear, especially if you read that part in The Continuum Concept where they attempt to describe what is going through the child's head. Have you read it?

[joey's mom]

I"m so glad that I won't be seeing them soon. If I did and they were letting her CIO, I would go in and get her. DS wasn't alone for months... I mean, he's 10 months old now and isn't hardly alone!

I really like being the "hippie" in the family! I have one cousin who outdoes me... haha

Thanks for lending your ears! Nice to have people who "get it"!

[apimarianne]

It is hard watching a family member make choices that affects the attachment and secure base of a child. I have had times when I was sick with worry about the choices a sibling was making regarding their child. Sometimes I take the easy way out and stay away.

I do my best to model AP behavior and hope that some of my ideas might rub off. Being the oldest, most of the choices I made with my children, that were originally thought of as hippie or alternative, have since been embraced after seeing what kind, respectful, loving children we have.

Its a hazy line of respecting parent choices and knowing the choice these parents are making can be harmful and hurtful.

I'm with you:hug

[abundance]

This is a perfect opportunity to introduce to your brother in law and apply for yourself Non-violent Communication. It is in the API Staff Picks and it will make a HUGE difference...I went to my first introductory talk about it today and have left topped up and inspired. Look into it and look for the love in their choices. I wish you and them all the best and I hope that in a few months time you will have very different tales to tell. Remember it is just a matter of being aware of the other opportunities/options available. Maybe she would like to join you at API gatherings, etc. I know it is easier said then done and I only mean this to inspire you as my heart too feels for that little one.

[PaxMamma]

This is a perfect opportunity to introduce to your brother in law and apply for yourself Non-violent Communication. It is in the API Staff Picks and it will make a HUGE difference...I went to my first introductory talk about it today and have left topped up and inspired. Look into it and look for the love in their choices. I wish you and them all the best and I hope that in a few months time you will have very different tales to tell. Remember it is just a matter of being aware of the other opportunities/options available. Maybe she would like to join you at API gatherings, etc. I know it is easier said then done and I only mean this to inspire you as my heart too feels for that little one.


i :heart NVC! the problem in this particular situation for me is, i only see my brothers once/year and that is the only time we speak (not for lack of trying on my end), i hear all the awful stories from my mom. so it's not like at christmas, i could say, hey, how've you been all year? i hear you've been letting your LO CIO. (in an NVC way, of course). i think our relationship has a lot of growing to do before we could get to that place. i have mentioned things like, i'm really busy w/API and when i get the "what's that" i hand them my card.

[joey's mom]

We have similar problems. My brother and sister-in-law don't live near me, so it's hard to have one of "those" conversations over the phone. I could see it going badly.

[mummywarren]

:hug I understand you mama. My family thinks we are nuts. I tried so hard to turn my niece when she had her first in June. I talked with her, bought books, even made her a stash of nb dipes (which never got used). She was interested in BFeeding until he was born and she never even tried but said it hurt too much. :confused:
But she is more concerned about herself and is happy to let her mom take care of her baby while she goes out. Ugh. I know she made him CIO, I am so glad I never had to hear it.
I dont visit them often but when I do they are weird with me, wondering when I am going to put the babe down so I can rest.
You can try to send them little articles and stuff, but in my experience they are resistant to everything. They want to do it there way and they will. Sorry mama.

[sbroglie]

I always buy the Dr. William Sears "The Baby Book" for all first-time parents. He's book (I'm sure you are familar with it) is wonderful for first-timers and will help introduce AP-like concepts without appearing to be "too hippy-ish"....just normal instead. I call it the "Baby Bible", because it is so jam-packed full of great information. :D

If a new parent reads The Baby Book's chapter on Nighttime Parenting, I would think they would be hard-pressed to continue CIO. (IMO)

[joey's mom]

I love "The Baby Book"! It's one of my favorites and never leaves the coffee table! :)

We are just so different. I know a lot of it is my sister-in-law and the way she was raised. I'll never forget her telling me that her mom explained to her that "babies need to cry, it's how they get their energy out". I wasn't a mom yet and wasn't aware of AP, but I knew that CIO was not for me, even then...

[ewins]

My heart is breaking for this little baby who was let to CIO at THREE days old. I'm in tears for her. I just can't imagine it.
:confused:

[rachael24]

My heart is breaking for this little baby who was let to CIO at THREE days old. I'm in tears for her. I just can't imagine it.
:confused:

Me either...really breaks my heart :(

[Asher]

My goodness, that should be universally considered abuse. I can't conceive of being so heartless. I wish I could take her and cuddle her. I feel awful for you being in that position too.

[Jessica]

I don't think letting your 3 day old CIO is even "acceptable" in the mainstream these days. Most of the mainstream books I've read (okay skimmed) don't recommend CIO until AT LEAST 4 months.

Are they aware that virtually no one who has any qualifications to advise parents on baby care would actually support CIO on such a young baby? ie. are they just winging it (not that that is necessarily bad) and have assumed that if they were planning to CIO at some point that they might as well start as early as possible? If that's the case maybe someone, anyone could get them a book. Even if it's a super mainstream book, and not one of those crazy hippy books that some of their relatives read. :) Even Ferber himself would not suggest CIO on a newborn!

Or perhaps they've got a hold of Babywise or something. Yikes! Maybe they could be convinced to at least google Gary Ezzo or whatever they're using.

"Joey's mom" I know you probably can't do these things but I just needed to get that off my chest! Thanks for listening.