Another night-weaning thread....

[Mama*Pisces]

I read the other one, but I didn't want to hijack it....I'm sorry if this is redundant but I am torn as to what to do...:(

Donovan is turning two on May 4th. I tried to nightwean him at 20 months, and he totally freaked out, so I let it go and he got over it shortly afterwards, thank goodness. DH now sleeps in the guest room(not happily), b/c we have a queen sized bed and was tired of getting kicked every night; and he insists that there is no way we would be able to fit a king up the stairs to our room, since they had a lot of trouble with moving the queen up there. Now, Donovan doesn't wake up that much, he starts off the night in his room and then crosses the hall to my room when he wakes up, which is usually right after I've gone to sleep. Then he'll wake up once more during the night and *maybe* once more in the early morning, before we get up for good.
Really it doesn't bother me at all -- but it bothers me that dh is sleeping on an air mattress in our spare bedroom, and also I am really really wanting to get pregnant within the next couple of months -- I think I read somewhere else in this forum that it is a lot harder to get pregnant unless you have nightweaned? I've had my period back since he was 15 months, and I know I ovulate every month. It's very, very obvious to me now, where it wasn't before.

So, yah, there are a couple of different reasons why I think it's time, though I am really nervous because of his reaction last time. But, he is considerably more verbal now than he was then....like, we actually have some two-way communication now. So I'm thinking, if I tell him a few days ahead of time it'll maybe help prepare him...?

But then there's the problem of getting him to sleep without nursing. Has anyone done Pantley's gentle removal plan? Is it worth it? I just got her No cry sleep solution book for toddlers, and have been planning on starting it, *after* I get Donovan back on a decent sleep schedule with a regularly scheduled nap, which um, I'm still working on. But she also says in her book to start doing a little closing phrase when we're done nursing during the day, like "Bye bye milk" and when he gets used to the phrase to move on to using it at night, but for the life of me I can never remember to say bye to the milk. lol

And, I just read through most of Dr. Jay's nightweaning plan that I found through the link to kellymom, and it seriously made me want to cry. I feel like, I really can't do that to him......

And just to add, DH works anywhere from 10 to 12 hours, sometimes 6 days a week, so I don't think incorporating him in this is an option. He needs his sleep or else there goes our bread and butter....plus he's never had much patience with putting him to sleep.

Again, sorry for a post on the same subject, I just wanted to get all this off my chest....I think I may call my LLL leader in the morning....:(

Thanks mamas.

[PaxMamma]

quick thought, what about pushing your ds's twin mattress next to your queen? he can sleep on the twin and you and dh on the queen? also, i have some friends who bought a king, couldn't get it up the stairs, but then got a foam mattress king, it bent around the corners.

[Mama*Pisces]

Thanks for your reply, PaxMamma!! :)

That's something we've been considering as well, sidecarring his toddlerbed.....though he does sleep part of the night and takes naps in his room, so I don't want him to lose all sense of having his own room.....

I was thinking about it last night and realized that maybe it will be a little easier once he has his birthday, we can make a big deal about him turning two and what a big boy he is, then I can start slowly bringing in the idea that big boys don't need to nurse as much at night and also that the milk gets tired. ;) I'm going to buy him a special cup for night time water.....and I have been able to get him to sleep once by scratching his back, so maybe that can replace the nursing.....then once we have the night weaning down, I'll start hinting that sometimes big boys sleep in their own beds all night. Dh will just have to stick it out a little while longer. :p

Sounds simple right? hahaha - we'll see how it goes!

[PaxMamma]

Thanks for your reply, PaxMamma!! :)

That's something we've been considering as well, sidecarring his toddlerbed.....though he does sleep part of the night and takes naps in his room, so I don't want him to lose all sense of having his own room.....

what has worked for our family is, we have had one room for sleeping, but the boys still have their own room for playing, so that "sense of space" is still there, but sleeping is an entirely separate issue. i also lean more towards the "common area" approach, meaning we all live together in all of our space, we all have to learn to negotiate in each of these spaces, so no one becomes territorial, but rather community-oriented. i never want my children to feel like they can't come into "my" room or i into theirs, respectfully done, of course.

I was thinking about it last night and realized that maybe it will be a little easier once he has his birthday, we can make a big deal about him turning two and what a big boy he is, then I can start slowly bringing in the idea that big boys don't need to nurse as much at night and also that the milk gets tired. ;) I'm going to buy him a special cup for night time water.....and I have been able to get him to sleep once by scratching his back, so maybe that can replace the nursing.....then once we have the night weaning down, I'll start hinting that sometimes big boys sleep in their own beds all night. Dh will just have to stick it out a little while longer. :p

Sounds simple right? hahaha - we'll see how it goes!

another approach you could take would be to use NonViolent Communication. something like "mommy needs to have her sleep so she's not grumpy during the days and we can have lots of fun together. i'm going to sleep now, tomorrow we'll play." this takes it away from the "big boy" correlation that associates his behaviors with some sort of approved status. it communicates your needs to him and that you are considering his needs as well.

also, he is very young. not quite 2? children at that age still have a strong need for connection during the night as well as during the day. if you don't think he's ready for transitioning alone to sleep, pay attention to his cues. he may need more time with you. if you transition him before he is ready, and then a new baby comes, you may have more trouble in the future. new babies open up lots of emotions in siblings.

[Mama*Pisces]

what has worked for our family is, we have had one room for sleeping, but the boys still have their own room for playing, so that "sense of space" is still there, but sleeping is an entirely separate issue. i also lean more towards the "common area" approach, meaning we all live together in all of our space, we all have to learn to negotiate in each of these spaces, so no one becomes territorial, but rather community-oriented. i never want my children to feel like they can't come into "my" room or i into theirs, respectfully done, of course.



another approach you could take would be to use NonViolent Communication. something like "mommy needs to have her sleep so she's not grumpy during the days and we can have lots of fun together. i'm going to sleep now, tomorrow we'll play." this takes it away from the "big boy" correlation that associates his behaviors with some sort of approved status. it communicates your needs to him and that you are considering his needs as well.

also, he is very young. not quite 2? children at that age still have a strong need for connection during the night as well as during the day. if you don't think he's ready for transitioning alone to sleep, pay attention to his cues. he may need more time with you. if you transition him before he is ready, and then a new baby comes, you may have more trouble in the future. new babies open up lots of emotions in siblings.

Thank you, this was really helpful! :angel

Yeah, he's turning two in two and a half weeks. I will definitely watch his cues; the last thing I want to do is force him into something he is not ready for.

I LOVE the idea of the whole house being a "common area"....DH is a little bit more traditional though, so I try to compromise as much as I can, though it's not always easy!