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Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids: Ch. 2

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  • Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids: Ch. 2

    Pg. 29: "Most of the parents we meet aren't doing a great job of taking care of their needs because they don't know what their needs are."

    This afternoon and evening I tried to take stock of my needs. As a full-time mom for over 2-1/2 years with a 2-1/2 y/o daughter and a 7 m/o son, there are LOTS of times that I have not taken care of my needs. Those are the times that I have gotten iritated with my husband, snappy with my kids, and frowny with myself.

    It was husband-work-til-8-p.m. night at our house and that means I get to put both kids to bed. This can be a tiring ordeal. But this evening I focused on what my needs were at any given moment. Here are some of the things I thought and some of them that I said to my daughter in our quest for a peaceful nighty-night time:

    I need to feel appreciated. I need to feel appreciated for what I do when I try to help you go to sleep.
    I need to know that everyone in this family is going to help everyone else in it go to sleep when they need to.
    I need everyone in this family to help keep everyone else in it safe.
    I need to know that everyone in this family gets all sides of all their teeth brushed everyday so they won't get cavities and hurt.

    Through this afternoon and evening I discovered that my biggest unmet need was to be appreciated. A few times I said to DD, "I need to know that you appreciate what I do for you. Please and thank you help me know that." I have never used that statement with her before, but I sensed that she could relate, that she needs to be appreciated too, and that she wants to help provide for this need of mine (in an appropriate fashion, of course). And, she did say thank you a few more times than I think she would have otherwise; not that that was my goal.

    So, that was my experience today in my quest to determine what my needs are, communicate them to my children, and realize the reality . . .

    Pg. 28: "The bottom-line reality--that your needs matter and that you must first care for yourself before others . . . "

    P.S. THANKS to whoever chose this book for the month. It was on my list to read and I'm so glad I am reading sooner rather than later.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Jeannette View Post

    Through this afternoon and evening I discovered that my biggest unmet need was to be appreciated. .
    I feel the same way about the need to feel appreciated. Kaitlynn and I have had several discussions about the amount of time she seems to "expect" me to drive her around. I started using the timer on my car to show her (and me) how much time I spend in the car, on an average day, shuttling her to and from different activities. Since I spend so much time on the go, I was asking for more help around the house. After she understood how often I was running around, she began offering to help put the dishes away, periodically fold clothes, etc. I began feeling appreciated for that time in my day.

    Originally posted by Jeannette View Post
    Pg. 28: "The bottom-line reality--that your needs matter and that you must first care for yourself before others . . . "
    Isn't that one a struggle?! Most days I put everyone else's needs and wants firsts. I think I am worried that I will start a hobby and then not have time to work on it leaving me missing something. If I don't have a hobby, then I cannot miss it. That is my justification for not scrap booking, going to the gym, and just about anything else. I see an afternoon of self-reflection before my husband heads out on deployment.

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    • #3
      Finding out what your needs are

      Originally posted by Jeannette View Post
      So, that was my experience today in my quest to determine what my needs are, communicate them to my children, and realize the reality . . .
      It was amazing. I never realized that most of my conversations with my husband and my frustrations were mostly about me not getting my needs met. But they weren't getting met because I wasn't even sure about what my need was. Since reading this book, I have noticed that I am much more in touch with my needs at a given moment and aware of it. With this awareness I have also been able to more clearly articulate what my request is and being more free.

      I think with this reality of my needs and being in touch with them it has helped lighten my spirit and made it so that I can be more relaxed during the day. Did you guys feel this as well?

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      • #4
        Yes, totally! I am so much more in tune with what I NEED and I've been able to see what I need and take responsibility for meeting those needs. Before I would have blamed my husband or my kids' behaviors. It is a weight off my shoulders; I'm enjoying my kids more. I am also seeing realistically how needy they are. After all, there just little ones! But, sometimes, I forget that my 2-1/2 y/o is only 2-1/2, no matter how big her vocabulary is!

        Today I started reading the activities at the end of the book. Great stuff! My kids are only 2-1/2 and 7 mos., so I don't know at what point I would begin family meetings.

        I also love the fact that the authors repeatedly mention that it only takes one person to change conflict to cooperation. This is very encouraging as I tend to be the parent in the family that leads the way to better parenting practices.

        I look forward to reading this book over and over!

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        • #5
          Family Meetings

          Originally posted by Jeannette View Post
          Today I started reading the activities at the end of the book. Great stuff! My kids are only 2-1/2 and 7 mos., so I don't know at what point I would begin family meetings.
          I was wondering the same when reading this after a few chapters. When I was reading on Key 3 last night it mentioned again about the family meetings and I thought that would be wonderful and then I was curious how that would go with a 4.5 year old. I think that will definitely be a question that I ask the authors in next week's forum with them

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