"... if we understand that children have the same operating principles, the same human nature that we all have, it becomes a simple matter to predict how they will respond to our actions. All we need to do is ask ourselves how we would respond in the same situation. Parenting becomes a relatively simple matter of applying the Golden Rule."
This is such a simple concept and yet so easily forgotten. I remember this with a friend, strangers, and business associates and yet I have to remind myself about this with my daughter. After reading on pg 8 I can see why I struggle since I wasn't treated with respect.
"Human beings of all ages operate on the very same principles: they behave well when treated well by another, and they respond by wanting to treat that person well in return. They behave poorly when deliberately hurt by another, and they react with anger and resentment and a wish to hurt that person in return. It makes no difference that mistreatment is rationalized in the parent's mind as being "for their own good" -- to the child, such motivation is irrelevant. All they see is the action itself."
This really made me feel hopeful and warmed my heart. I know in the beginning with my daughter I was so fearful of passing along the cycle. She is now 4.5 years old and I have not once done anything like I was raised.
"'Many people can scarcely remember the torments of their childhood because they have learned to regard them as a justified punishment for their own `badness' and also because a child must repress painful events in order to survive." However, it is not inevitable that every abused child become an abuser himself... It is only through the experience of being loved and cherished that the child can every discern cruelty as such, be aware of it, and resist it."
"it is absolutely impossible for someone who has grown up in an environment of honesty, respect, and affection ever to feel driven to torment a weaker person... He has learned very early on that it is right and proper to provide the small, helpless creature with protection and guidance; this knowledge, stored at that early stage in his mind and body, will remain effective for the rest of his life."
So my daughter has the best hope than I could ever imagine. For those how have not grown up in an abusive household, is this statement true?
I read this and I want to carry it with me everywhere as a response to anyone who says I am spoiling by dd!
"What actually spoils a child, what actually damages, injures, and destroys vital qualities in the child, are the other choices of parenting behavior: punishment, separation, and rejection. Tehse experiences spoil a child's inborn sense of trust, capacity to love, creativity, and potential for joy. Robbing a child of these treasures is surely one of the most harmful acts a human can perform."
This is something I have to remember on those days when I am so down on myself.
"There are no perfect parents. While we have all made mistakes, punishing ourselves is no more effective or reasonable than punishing our children. Loving ourselves, and understanding that we have done as well as we could have with the information and inner strength we had at that moment, is as important as loving and understanding our children."
For me, reading the part of inner strength really hit a cord. It's exactly because of the information I have that I get down on myself but I forget to realize the second factor and that is my inner strength at that moment.