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Ever feel like you no longer want to bedshare or room share?

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  • Ever feel like you no longer want to bedshare or room share?

    Dr. McKenna states on page 92:

    "Cosleeping (whether bedsharing or roomsharing) could never be best if all participants do not feel comfortable with the practice, and this is always the best time to stop. If anyone involved does not wish to cosleep, then cosleeping should never be forced."

    With my 5 year old daughter we still bedshare. At times we would like for her to be in her own room and in her own bed. The times we wish this are most frequently when my hubby and I are disconnected from each other and are looking to find connection again or we just would like to snuggle together comfortably in the bed. At other times I look at her angel pie face at the night before falling sleep or upon rising in the morning or the sweet cuddles during the night and we don't desire her to be anywhere else except in the bed. At other times it feels like it is going to be forever before she moves out of our bed.

    Have you ever experienced the feeling that you want to no longer bedshare or room share with your child(ren)? If so, did you wean them to their own bed or did you continue to bedshare or room share? If you weaned how did you feel about it? If you continued to bedshare or room share what were or are your reasons?

  • #2
    Oh yeah, I feel like that at times. Then I know I ned to encourage little adjustments in our sleeping arrangements!


    • #3
      pg 78:

      "... One study found that, compared with solitary sleepers from birth, infants who cosleep from birth either learn or accept sleeping alone about a year later than infants who have no choice but to sleep alone. So the trade off may be this: the emergence of independent solitary sleeping in children may be delayed with routine cosleeping, but eventually separate sleep will not be a problem for your child, and the good news is that as parents you derived great feelings and memories from cosleeping. Along with those experiences, your child may have developed a more permanent capacity for self-sufficiency, resilence, comfort with affection, and the ability to be alone when necessary."

      When I read this I do know that my child is delayed on wanting to sleep alone but I also see there are benefits to that that I can count on. I notice that my friends who do not cosleep their children have a problem trying to get to sleep because they have not had a great experience. THey have a hard time relaxing for bedtime.

      What have you noticed with fellow families who are not AP in regards to their childrens sleep?


      • #4
        There have been times when I've been a little annoyed with it (I've been annoyed with all of my relationships at one point or another) but I love having my son there next to me during the night and can't think of anything I'd rather trade that for. I know he'll sleep on his own when he's ready but I want to enjoy having him with me as much as possible so that I can be more equipped to let go when the time comes.


        • #5
          Great Info - thanks! and also thanks for bringing this up, as you said, all rships have ups and downs and sometimes miss sleeping alone or just me and the hubster - same, re: wanting to do it when we are disconnected. Also, thanks for that, cos' glad to know I am not the only one who has disconnection with the hubby sometimes. Think I want life to be perfect too much


          • #6
            With two toddlers, our bed is so squished! So there used to be a lot of times when I was annoyed with bedsharing with the two kids. But I'd get so sad when I tried to wean them, so I ended up going to part-time bedsharing.

            Neither of my kids will settle to sleep on the floor, so my husband -- who has to get up at 5 a.m. for work -- goes to bed with one kid earlier and I stay up and sit in the rocking chair with the other kid. It just happens to work that we have one kid who is a night owl and the other is not. The older kid is the one with my husband and she oftens goes to her own bed at night, and then I lay the younger one down with me to sleep when I go to bed. Sometimes, both kids want to sleep all the night, and I either plan on taking a nap the next day during their naptime (b/c I won't get very good sleep) or I sleep on the couch.

            When my oldest was a year old, and my youngest was born, I briefly tried to wean the oldest to her crib. It didn't work. She would cry and cling, and I just knew that it wasn't going to work with her. So, then I decided that our weaning from the family bed would have to be very gradual with her, and when I get annoyed with the sleeping arrangement now, I just remind myself...well, it's only for a little while and then they'll be older and not want to sleep with me at all!


            • #7

              My son is 3 and we have co-slept since he was born. Even in the hospital I refused for him to go to the nursery...I wanted him right by my side or in my arms.

              I don't personally care about what age he decides to transition to his own room...I'll let him figure that out.

              Co-sleeping allows for both of us to get a full nights sleep, and it allows for my son to know that his mommy is right there if he needs me.

              It's something that works for us...and I would recommend it for any mother and child(ren).