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  • The way you were raised

    What type of environment were you raised in as a child? Was it nurturing or troubled? How do you see this affecting how you raise your own child(ren)?

  • #2
    For me, I wasn't raised in a nurturing environment. There was abuse passed down from generation-to-generation. The style of parenting was very authoritarian. When I first had my dd I was scared that I would become the parent of the past. It was terrified. I guess that made me desire to really want to do it differently. To try to make her childhood a complete 180 of what I had. I was determined to not be my mom.

    Luckily, my husband comes from a sort of nurturing environment so it's not both of us battling the childhood past. He helps bring in the calm.

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    • #3
      I was raised in a very nurturing environment. My Mom practiced several of the API principles with me and my sister. She was my model of patience and responding with sensitivity. I have numerous examples of times that my Mom went that extra mile to really make me feel heard rather than use more traditional discipline methods. My Dad was more traditional, but my Mom was always the centering voice, keeping him focused on being a great Dad, and letting Mom focus on the directing. My experience as a child has provided me with a solid base to improve on. Knowing and remembering my experiences as a child and how the more nurturing and responsive parenting techniques worked I am that much more equipped to use them with my daughter. And the thought of the more traditional methods seldom creeps into my mind, because it wasn't used on me and when it was it wasn't effective.

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      • #4
        MommyPower, you are so fortunate to have grown up with such a loving background. Do you feel growing up with this kind of background makes it easier for you to practice AP or to still have the same challenges? Does the AP part of parenting come naturally?

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        • #5
          I think growing up in such a loving home, really allows AP to come naturally, I don't struggle as much as I hear other Mom's with the positive discipline and the taking things from my daughters point of view and considering the developmental appropriateness of her behavior. Because my Mom and Dad offered that to me it feels natural and it feels right. I don't know how else to do it, so I don't find myself questioning what I am doing. I still struggle with societies expectations, but when I think about how I would change things, i can't think of another way. I like to think that my parents gave me a head start in AP practices and that I can improve upon it for my daughter. I know how fortunate I was my Mom laughs because I probably call her once a week to thank her for being an awesome Mom and making it easier on me.

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          • #6
            I LOVE reading how it is just natural for you. I know many of us, including me, wished it would be natural to us. You give me hope though that hopefully my daughter will have AP to be natural to her as well. With your background having such a wonderful AP environment, did your family hang out mostly with other AP families as well? If so, do you see it coming natural to those friends as well?

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            • #7
              This is an interesting questions, because my Mom and I actually just had a conversation about this the other day. We didn't necessarily seek out other AP type families, but I think through the natural process of spending more time with people who support your values there were 4 other families that my parents have gotten together with for the past 25+ years. The kids are all over the map as far as ages go, but for the most part I would say we were all raised in very similar environments with AP type principles. Only 1 family has kids who have children now, and they are following the same type of AP principles but not necessarily putting a name on it. The group of parents who have gotten together forever just had a conversation about how their kids are doing better than most in the world. They have healthier and long lasting marriages, they have gone to complete college and stay out of trouble, have good relationships with their kids etc. I think even now they just don't know and don't want to put a label on it. I think the most interesting thing is that my sister does not adopt many AP principles. And I see the stressors she has been through in her early parenting years potentially contributing this. But I find it fascinating that with the same parents, born 4 years apart we experience parenting so differently.

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