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Breaking the cycle

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  • Breaking the cycle

    Pg 32:

    The findings of attachment research suggest that insecurely attached children not only end up in poorly attached marriages and relationships, but in turn also raise insecurely attached children. Fortunately, however, it has been shown that some adults who expore their own insecurely attached shortcomings can heal and become more attached as adults and parents. Belsky found that adults who simply have a coherent understanding of the negative consequences of their own insecure attachment, and who can remain effective parents during highly stressful situations, are able to raise securely attached children. He calls these adults "earned secures". Others have similarily found that the cycle can be broken through intellectual means. Ultimately, many heal themselves by successfully developing a strongly attached relationship with a mate or child.

    Are you a "earned secure"? How long do you feel you have been an "earned secure" and how have you healed yourself?

  • #2
    This is really interesting...Even though I never considered myself insecurely attached, I don't think was securely attached either. I've often wondered why I'm drawn to AP as I am...why I'm so passionate about it and why I can't stop reading & learning more. This passage really resonates with me!

    I've felt increasingly more secure since the birth of my first child and "discovery" of AP. I've told my husband that I'm finally starting to feel like I think adults should feel...confident, grounded, focused. I told him that it took me until my mid-thrities to finally grow up. But I think, after reading this, a more accurate description of my journey should really be "earning security"! It feels good.


    • #3
      I have to agree with you there. It is nice to know that I have earned security so that I can pass on security to my daughter without her having to earn it.


      • #4
        excellent post! i love that the concept that a person who has broken/is breaking the cycle has a name. sometimes, if you can name it, you can claim it, you know?