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Ch 3: Anger

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  • Ch 3: Anger

    On pg 119 & 120 the following is written: "One of the most important messages we can give our children about emotion is that anger is a universal human feeling that can be managed and controlled. How do we do that? By acknowledging and responding to their anger, rather than ignoring it or punishing it. Once children understand that their anger will be heard and responded to, they can express it more calmly, rather than defaulting to aggression...

    You can help your child with anger by remembering that an angry child is showing you that she's scared, disconnected, and hurting inside. Your job is to acknowledge both the anger and the emotions underneath it. Once children have a chance to feel the vulnerable feelings they've been avoiding, they no longer need the anger as a defense, and it melts away.

    When children live in a home where anger is handled in a healthy way, they generally learn to manage their anger constructively."

    How do you manage your own anger? How was it handled in your household growing up? How do you handle it now with your own child(ren)?

    I manage my anger by taking deep breaths, saying aloud that I am angry, and try to solve the problem without burying it. The only downside is that I want the problem solved right away and get angry or frustrated if it isn't.

    In my house, anger was not something acceptable. You were ignored, spanked, or sent to your room for it. We learned to suppress anger. I only learned to express anger healthfully through therapy.

    With my daughter, it was hard at first to accept her anger since my backstory was to want to make her go away but through attachment parenting I learned to accept her anger without being triggered. I would sit in the same room and let her express her anger while letting her know that I was there for her. Now at 9.5 years old, she lets you know in a respectful way when she is angry and tries to solve the problem.