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Invited to his first birthday party

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  • #16
    Thank you both for the support. I was really unsure if I wanted to post the details then I decided that it would be a good thing to post so that people in the AP world without kids with special challenges might understand what is behind a situation they see.

    Alexander and I snuggled all night (thankfully Ava wanted to be in her toddler bed that is in our room) and we woke up feeling much better. My husband is out of town and I have oodles of homework to do so my parents called this morning and offered to pick the kids up and take them to my sister's house. My mom just called and said all of the kids are in the pool playing (my kids and my nephews) and everyone is having a lot of fun.

    I'm really thankful that my family is not only close by but caring and that they really get my kids and their challenges/needs. I am able to take a break today plus put some study time in.

    Dedra - Definitely post your ideas when you get a chance.

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    • #17
      melissa,
      i think you handled yourself quite well. if i can get in and out of a place w/only one meltdown, i count myself lucky. that being said, as an outsider looking in, i do have some ideas that may help you in the future. now, you said you’ve tried everything, so i realize i may be giving you things you’ve already done. if so, just ignore me.

      from what he said about the car being quiet and safe, i think getting to the car should be the goal here. so what i’m offering is all w/that goal in mind. also, the one place where i do see you may have done yourself in is having him jump on the trampoline at the end of the party. you gave an already-over-stimulated sensory dysfunctional kid proprioceptive and vistibular input. the trampoline is the most stimulating exercise you can do. he got himself pretty revved up just before trying to leave. so w/these two things in mind, here’s what i’d suggest:

      1. have him pack a backpack full of special toys to take w/him. tell him it’s in case he’s bored or the car trip’’s too long, etc, etc. make sure the backpack weighs about 10% of his weight. add a few books if you need to. when you get to wherever you’re going, remove one of his favorite toys, without his knowledge, and leave it in his seat. take the backpack with you.

      2. about 10 min. before you have to leave, tell him “i want to make sure we don’t leave our things, so put your backpack on. we’ll leave in 10 min.” (if he insists on doing one more activity, tell him, sure, but it has to be something calm.) the backpack will serve has a heavy work exercise to start to calm him. then, when it’s time to go, say, let’s double check your backpack and make sure everything’s here. where’s the missing toy?

      3. “look” around for it, then ask him and one of his friends to walk to the car and see if it didn’t “accidentally” get left there. voila, there it is, you’re at your car, and he can say good bye to his friend.

      i hope this is helpful to you, but if not, please let me know and i will keep thinking of other things..... parenting is never easy, esp. a child w/special needs. i have soooo been in your shoes. great big hugs, melissa!

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      • #18
        Originally posted by PaxMamma View Post
        melissa,
        i think you handled yourself quite well. if i can get in and out of a place w/only one meltdown, i count myself lucky. that being said, as an outsider looking in, i do have some ideas that may help you in the future. now, you said you’ve tried everything, so i realize i may be giving you things you’ve already done. if so, just ignore me.

        from what he said about the car being quiet and safe, i think getting to the car should be the goal here. so what i’m offering is all w/that goal in mind. also, the one place where i do see you may have done yourself in is having him jump on the trampoline at the end of the party. you gave an already-over-stimulated sensory dysfunctional kid proprioceptive and vistibular input. the trampoline is the most stimulating exercise you can do. he got himself pretty revved up just before trying to leave. so w/these two things in mind, here’s what i’d suggest:

        1. have him pack a backpack full of special toys to take w/him. tell him it’s in case he’s bored or the car trip’’s too long, etc, etc. make sure the backpack weighs about 10% of his weight. add a few books if you need to. when you get to wherever you’re going, remove one of his favorite toys, without his knowledge, and leave it in his seat. take the backpack with you.

        2. about 10 min. before you have to leave, tell him “i want to make sure we don’t leave our things, so put your backpack on. we’ll leave in 10 min.” (if he insists on doing one more activity, tell him, sure, but it has to be something calm.) the backpack will serve has a heavy work exercise to start to calm him. then, when it’s time to go, say, let’s double check your backpack and make sure everything’s here. where’s the missing toy?

        3. “look” around for it, then ask him and one of his friends to walk to the car and see if it didn’t “accidentally” get left there. voila, there it is, you’re at your car, and he can say good bye to his friend.

        i hope this is helpful to you, but if not, please let me know and i will keep thinking of other things..... parenting is never easy, esp. a child w/special needs. i have soooo been in your shoes. great big hugs, melissa!
        This is fantastic!! I have never thought of this. I do know that the trampoline was a bad idea, he's never been on a full sized one either and he was wanting to stay there instead of eat cake, watch the birthday boy open presents etc. I should have realized that and not let him back on.

        The heavy backpack and forgot toy is a great idea! Thank you so much, I know what I'm doing for our next family get-together.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by melissa_h View Post
          I should have realized that and not let him back on.

          The heavy backpack and forgot toy is a great idea! Thank you so much, I know what I'm doing for our next family get-together.
          i'm so glad this is helpful to you, but please don't be so hard on yourself. when i'm the one in the middle of it, i make TONS of mistakes. i always look back and think, WHY did i do that? or worse, i'm in the middle of it thinking WHY am i doing this?

          let us know how your next gathering goes!

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