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Does Your Partner Understand You?

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  • Does Your Partner Understand You?

    We all need to feel understood. What do infants and children do when caregivers misunderstand their needs? They become frustrated and upset, perhaps angry. Adults, too, need to know they are understood.

    If you answered, 'No' to the above, why do you think that is so? What is getting in the way of being understood?

  • #2
    TIME! Patience! HELP!

    I'm so exhausted at the end of a day that I hardly have anything left to give to DH. My theory has been that he's an adult and can appreciate this and together we can muddle through. However, we don't always share this unspoken understanding! It's a constant pull -- everyone always needs something and it's hard to make time to slow down and help self, DH AND kids. I get snippy and quite impatient. What to do???

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    • #3
      Certainly, to an extent he knows me very well. I know he does not understand some aspects of my personality but can appreciate them as part of the whole 'package', you can't separate them from the rest!
      I kinda will never expect him to understand why I love houseplants and gardening so much (a benign but real example) but can encourage him to avoid putting the grill cover all over my planting beds....and keeping the curtains open during the day so the plants can get some light! (Just as football games are somethings I'll NEVER understand)

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      • #4
        Originally posted by art View Post
        I'm so exhausted at the end of a day that I hardly have anything left to give to DH. My theory has been that he's an adult and can appreciate this and together we can muddle through. However, we don't always share this unspoken understanding! It's a constant pull -- everyone always needs something and it's hard to make time to slow down and help self, DH AND kids. I get snippy and quite impatient. What to do???
        It sounds exhausting indeed! How can you have anything left to give after one of those days? You assume your partner understands, but you're realizing that neither of you actually communicate this. It makes sense that with DH and kids all needing something, you become impatient! And you would like some help!

        I hear you. And first, let me say I hope you can be compassionate with yourself for getting "snippy." We've all been there! When we have those exhausting days, it's difficult to imagine that there's time for one more thing! Yet, it's often not a matter of taking more time, but of being mindful of "one moment at a time." Center yourself first by focusing on the breath. This takes only seconds, but can change our internal physiology and sense of well-being instantly. Smile inwardly and outwardly. Just the act of smiling provides feedback to the body that you are content, and in turn you can relax more. Find a little mantra; it can be a short phrase you share with your husband and kids. Something that creates a positive feeling in you, and conveys to them that you are working on maintaining patience. For example, if they hear you say, "bananas and peanut butter," or "floating on a cloud," ..whatever your phrase is, they can also learn to take a deep breath and share your centering moment with you.

        For just now, for the next 30 seconds, take 5 seconds to inhale, 5 seconds to exhale, repeat that two more times. See if you can tell a difference, and let me know!
        Last edited by Patricia Martin; 10-05-2009, 12:35 PM.

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        • #5
          Both my husband and I deal with chronic medical conditions, and when these flare up for one person, it can be quite draining on the other. When they flare up together, it can lead to a lot of frustration and anger. We try to be understanding of each other and compassionate toward ourselves, and to explain what's going on with our children.

          Any other tips on dealing with ongoing stress?

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