Do You Really Know Your Partner?

[Patricia Martin]

After that Romantic Stage of a relationship subsides we become less focused on each other. Life happens and there are many distractors (jobs, children, budgeting). We are on automatic pilot a lot of the time.

You may feel your partner doesn't really know you anymore, and you may not really know your partner. If this sounds familiar you may want to intervene NOW! Don't let more distance come between you!

Try adopting an attitude of CURIOSITY! What do I mean by that? Start WONDERING about your partner. Does s/he feel loved? What was her/his day like? What does my partner need from me right now?

I love those words: WONDER and CURIOSITY. Those feelings come naturally when we begin a new relationship. Just because you've been together for 5 or 10 years doesn't mean you know everything about your partner. Try to see him/her with fresh eyes, and get curious!

[art]

Much to my surprise - NO!

Gosh, and not only do I not know him as well as I thought, but we change over time too and it's hard to keep up.....so many moving parts.

[naomifrederickmd]

We had our 5 yr anniversary this year (and together for 7) and it is interesting how we have both changed in that time period. Just like connecting with our kids, if we feel 'out of sorts' with each other I always say "we need a date" and or other 'connection' activities. We want to avoid that "I feel like I don't even know you" problem.

[Patricia Martin]

We had our 5 yr anniversary this year (and together for 7) and it is interesting how we have both changed in that time period. Just like connecting with our kids, if we feel 'out of sorts' with each other I always say "we need a date" and or other 'connection' activities. We want to avoid that "I feel like I don't even know you" problem.

Good for you, Naomi. The best gift you can give your children is a healthy relationship between you and your spouse!

[Patricia Martin]

Gosh, and not only do I not know him as well as I thought, but we change over time too and it's hard to keep up.....so many moving parts.

You are not alone, Art. This is the "autopilot" I referred to earlier. We get so busy, and tend to overlook the person MOST IMPORTANT in our lives! Your acknowledging this is a positive sign. You know what to do.

[LisaL]

My husband and I have been married for more than 7 years (known each other for 10), and this is the best year yet. It just took a long time for us to figure out how to keep connected despite busy lives, and to get to know each other. We thought we knew each other when we got married, but a lot of change happened in each of us between college and now.

We try to focus on not having unrealistic expectations of each other due to what we grew up with. We try to stay connected thru touching, talking, etc. And we really try to nurture each other's hobbies, careers, etc. I think helping your spouse be fulfilled in his life, the part that is separate from the marriage (job, hobbies, etc.), is important. Just as it's important for you.