Most children experience considerable distress when they see and/or hear parents fighting. Children are totally dependent on their parents. They, rightly so, expect to be taken care of. Seeing a parent lose control, shouting angrily, can be extremely unsettling. When distressed, who does the child seek out for comfort? The parent! And what if the parents are showing anger towards each other? That leaves the child feeling vulnerable and frightened. If such experiences occur frequently, some children learn to withdraw and become "invisible" in order to survive in what seems a dangerous place. Others may act out in order to get the parents to pay attention to them rather than remain in the conflict with each other. This acting out can include temper tantrums, destruction of belongings, harming a younger sibling, and even developing an illness.
What have you done in the past that helps you to remain calm in the presence of the children, even when you're angry at your spouse?