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Overnight away...is it him or me I'm most worried about?

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  • Overnight away...is it him or me I'm most worried about?

    DS is 19 mos, and he spends two days/week at his grandparents while I work, but besides my work time, we are rarely apart. He LOVES his grandparents and gets excited to spend time with them, so I am very comfortable with them caring for him when I can't. We've never done an overnight away from DS, but DH turns 40 in a couple of weeks and I've planned a surprise party for him 2 hours from home in a city we used to live in and have lots of friends in. DS was going to stay with his grandparents, but I'm really second guessing my decision to travel w/out him. I know he'll be okay...though he will want to nurse once in the night, but my mom will have breastmilk to give him. I think it's more myself that I'm worried about...I KNOW that DH and I need some time alone together, but I don't know that I'll even enjoy it at all b/c I'll miss ds so much.

    Has anyone done and overnight away from a toddler? I have a lot of difficulty finding family balance, but recognize that dh and I need some time. I'm just not sure I'm going to be able to actually do the time away from ds...or enjoy it. Maybe that should be a red flag in itself that dh and I really do need the time together and I should just go for it.

    Any thoughts?
    Last edited by havecompassion; 05-13-2008, 10:56 AM.

  • #2
    I know it's hard the first night we had a night out alone I felt bad the whole time but I did enjoy my time with my DH and we actually talked about my DS pretty much the whole time! But it was good for us and we appreciated our DS even more when we got home. It helped remind us why we wanted children so much. I feel for you and know it will be hard but it will be worth it. My DS stayed with my mom and she loved it! She took him to see the ducks, to get a bite to eat and even co slept with him. And he did great he missed us but knew he was safe. Good luck with what ever you decide.

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    • #3
      I'm going through a divorce and I've had to send her to her Dad as this is part of our visitation schedule with our 19 month old. To practice before hand I sent her to her Aunt and Uncle, whom she adores and has great fun with. (it sounds like that is a similar relationship your child has with the grands) I asked that they keep her comfortable and try to keep to the bedtime routine but more importantly to let her know that she is safe. They put her in the middle of the bed between them to sleep. She was afraid and woke up a few times but went back to sleep after gentle patting. The next day she was all smiles when I came to get her. She took a very long nap and that night she slept 8 hours in a row that night. Same thing when her father had his overnight. She wanted more connection time with me the next day and slept longer but she was happy. And I agree, I think it was good for me to have some time away and we appreciated eachother much more.
      Hope that helps. Good luck!

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      • #4
        Trust your instincts! If it doesn't feel right, maybe you could work something out like having one of the grandparents travel with you and watch him during the party, but then let him be with you in the night. He will probably be ok, but separation is so hard for a mom and a babe--so, I say, if it's purely elective and worries you, find a way to work around it!

        I've had to be away from my daughter twice already during her short life, once for one night and once for two - both because of emergency hospitalizations - and it was extremely hard. She was younger, but still. And it helped that she was with Dad, who she spends a lot of time alone with while I work, but none of us enjoyed it much. I think a big part of it is that she is used to nursing frequently at night, so it was really hard for her to wake up without me there. It was hard for me to wake up and pump at night, too, especially while I was sick.

        No matter what, I'm sure your DH will appreciate your efforts!

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        • #5
          I agree with the last comment about seeing if one (or both) of the grandparents can come along (maybe get another hotel room for them as well to watch your child while you're with your husband for a little while). I am still nursing our son, who is almost 21 months, and we (my husband, son, and I) will be going out of town in a couple of months for my husband's work function. My Mom and my younger brother (who is 8... American family ) are going to stay in the same hotel so that they can watch our son while I can go out with my husband to dinner for a little while (but knowing that they're close enough should our son want/need to nurse that I can come to his aid). That would be my suggestion though to meet the needs/wants of both your child and your husband is to bring the grandparent(s) along. That way you'll get to go and have some free time with your husband knowing that your child is nearby for that nighttime nursing or for his/your comfort. Hope that helps!

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          • #6
            Thanks for all of the great advice. I'm thinking we'll take him with us on our trip, but I am going to do a test run tomorrow. He'll sleep at grammy's and we'll see how it goes. I'll stay quietly on a different floor so I can take over if he needs me, but I will not let him know I'm there unless he needs me. Even if it goes well, I'm still not sure I'll be able to travel without him. I change my mind each hour or so...

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