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  • Leaving Baby

    I'm running into a lot of people who tell me I need me time. That i have to let others care for my baby to give me stress free time. I realize i'm a very high strung individual and i find that leaving my baby with someone, even for 1/2 an hour very challenging. I feel full of panic until my baby is safely back with me. Is this normal? Does anyone else feel this way? How do i convice the professionals in my life (doctors, and public health nurse) as well as family members that i don't need time away from her.

  • #2
    what YOU are feeling is most important. it is YOUR voice that you need to listen to. if you don't need time, don't let others convince you that you do. the opposite is true, if you feel you need time, don't let others tell you it's silly, etc. if you feel that you need a response for those trying to convince you, a simple "thanks for your concern. i appreciate it" should do.

    do you have only one child? i found that when i had my first, i was easily able to make time for myself, if needed, during his naps and after he went to bed at night. are you able to use those times? do you have a partner that is able to help out as well? for us, it was easy to give each other time that way, too.

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    • #3
      That is very hard trying to tell well meaning people that time away from baby is NOT stress free time. I think most of us have had at least a few comments regarding that. Luckily with my second baby, the in-laws have relaxed, finally realizing that baby-free time is not helpful. I suppose I would remind them that your bond to baby is strong, that bond is healthy for BOTH of you, and you would prefer to not be unduly separated. To those whom you have no reason to demonstrate your "me time" to (the docs etc) I would just nod and pretend to agree unless you feel a need to explain.
      If you are really as high strung as you say, they might be trying to help with that, but wouldn't being 'forced' into separation be just as anxiety making?

      How pushy were the professionals about it? I am just curious.

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      • #4
        Every time i see the doctor the first thing out of his mouth is "how much time are you getting to yourself?", and a pamplet on how to train baby. My public health nurse has given me a handout on "coping with stress". My little girl is high needs baby. We've had bowl trouble (gas), thrush (and now since she's been eating so poorly from the thrush eating trouble (refusing the breast in replace of a soother) and poor weight gain). I think they feel that it's been one thing after another for us and a lot of stress for me (my painful joints are an indicator of me being under stress) But like i said i can't handle being away from her, thinking that she's crying and the care givers aren't following my requests (They have issues with the 7 b's). My husband tries to help but baby just wants her mother.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by smurfsammy View Post
          i can't handle being away from her, thinking that she's crying and the care givers aren't following my requests (They have issues with the 7 b's). My husband tries to help but baby just wants her mother.
          I could of totally written that! Now that my second baby is 6m I am a little more relaxed, Hubby has more skills and baby is more tolerant of others. Hubby and I went out together, with out either child for 2 hours the other week. All I did was worry if the baby was crying. I do call back on the cell phone every 1/2 hr and we didn't go far from my mother's house but I wouldn't call that excursion stress-free or even enjoyable! I know some woman aren't separated from their babies until they can talk, and some have the baby in day care very early. So I guess I am in the middle?
          What are the 7 b's? How old is your baby? Do you have relaxing and recharging with baby around techniques?
          I think a lot of us have been in your shoes! We just want to be with our babies as much as possible!

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          • #6
            the 7 b's are from Dr. Sears: Birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby-wearing, bead sharing, belief in baby's cries, balance and boundaries, and beware of baby trainers. His book "the attachment parenting book : a common snese guide to understaning and nurturing your baby is amazing. have you read it?
            I do have ways of relaxing with baby. Once she's asleep in the sling i can sit down and watch tv, play on the computer, what ever fancies me at the time. If she's really colicky we go for walks to wear her down. Great for me and her!

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            • #7
              I thought that was what you meant by 7 b's---We are 8 principles, but yes I do love Dr. Sears

              Its good that you have baby relaxation skills, what are all those busy bodies bothering you about? It sounds like you have everything under control!

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              • #8
                I agree that it sounds like you've got it under control. It gets tiring though to feel like you are battling everyone all the time on what you think is right. Stick to your guns though!

                We have gone out a couple times and it was fine, but I completely trusted the person we left her with. My husband is also very involved. We can spell each other if one of us is getting frustrated. It's been COMPLETELY necessary for both of us to be involved because we have a high needs baby. Sometimes he can get her calmed down when I just can't. There's something about his "Daddy Dance" & lack of curves & her being nestled right under his neck that she just calms down for. Anyway, sorry, went off on a tangent. I guess my point is, stick to your guns & hopefully your husband can help too!

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                • #9
                  I think in general, advice like, "you need to leave the baby with other people so you'll have 'me time'," or, "you need to leave the baby with a sitter so you and your husband can have 'couple time'," is misguided. Sure, some people may need that, but others may prefer to spend their time with their kids. Nothing wrong with that!

                  The one thing I would say is that I do think it's valuable for all parents to spend some time alone with their kids. Of course mom can get "me" time while this is happening (whether it's sleeping in or meeting up with friends at the local coffee shop), but I think that's really a secondary issue. It seems to me that letting dad develop his own unique ways of interacting with his children is beneficial for the kids as their bond with dad is enhanced, and for dad's sense of confidence in his role as a father. While it's true that the baby might cry while with dad, the baby might cry with mom, too!

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