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Too possesive?

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  • Too possesive?

    I realize I'm very possesive about certain things. It was very challening for me to have my family help me pack my things to move, since I had just delivered it would have been too hard for me.
    Now I'm being told I'm too possesive of my daughter. I like to keep her close to me and don't see why she needs to be away from me. I will pass her off to her father for me to have a bath or get some things accomplished around the house. But as for letting my MIL take her for and 1 or 2. It's not happening. I understand that she's just taking her for a walk, but i don't see why I can't join her. My MIL specifically has a really bad habit of not returning my dd when she's upset feeling that she should be able to comfort her (but can't seem to understand that seeing her once a week will not develop the attachment necessary). Luckly my parents are use to my unusual demands and respect them. When my dd is upset the pass her back, and that I'm not likely to let them take her for an hour, but i will let them take her for 15 min walk-if she's in a really good mood (but they are over about 4 times a week for and hour or two). Does this sound like I'm being too possesive. I feel it's very important for our relationship (my dd and me) to be well balanced and would appreciate feedback from you other more experience parents. Thank you

  • #2
    I think you are totally within your rights to demand access to your daughter!
    My MIL specifically has a really bad habit of not returning my dd when she's upset feeling that she should be able to comfort her
    My FIL still occasionally plays "keep away" with my son if he is crying. He doesn't seem to understand that I don't want to play a game while my child is upset.

    Your MIL might feel like you don't trust her..... I have found explaining that I (as the baby's mother) just feel better being close and explaining it has nothing to do with her or her skills as a grandma. Explain that she will have plenty of time to be the Grandma! but this is your special time as the mother.
    She may not understand really, but it worth a try. Don't "give in" to their requests if you don't want to. They will have to get over it, as you know best!
    Your baby is around a year -- yes?

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    • #3
      it's good that you're asking this question. it means that you will realize it if you are being too possessive!

      just be clear to anybody who "borrows" your baby what your expectations are: "please return her to me if she cries for more than x minutes. otherwise, she'll be so upset that it's hard even for me to calm her down."

      that keeps everything out in the open and your mil or anybody else will not take it personally because everyone just wants what's best for your baby.

      cheers!

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      • #4
        I think as your daughter gets older and get used to seeing her grandparents, spending more time with them will be enjoyable. But, as a newborn, she truly only wants her caregivers which are you and husband. No, I don't think you're being possessive. And if you explain it in a way that the others have said above--that you want to be near for when she gets upset because it'll make it easier to calm her down--they should understand. Having them over and playing, rocking, walking with your daughter and you will also gradually show your daughter that these people are family and that you are trusting them with her and she will learn to trust them and love them as well. But, it'll take a few months before that happens.

        It drives my MIL crazy that my second daughter can only be comforted by me or my husband. My oldest would calm for her, which was wonderful, but my second one is fussier and truly wants only her parents. When she's older she'll love being with my MIL, but for now, I've explained that when she's crying, I'll take her.

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        • #5
          I know exactly how you feel! It's overwhelming the protective feelings for your children. It's also so obvious that other people don't understand their cues as much especially before they have language. I'm not an experienced parent but just wanted to add that you are not alone in your feelings - I'm sure most mamas feel the same - it's biology - it's good that you are willing to go against the norm and follow your instincts on it.

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          • #6
            Parents should bear in mind that children are like plants, you have to nurture them while their young and when they grow up, that's the time you will let them go.

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