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    Okay I know I can't expect too much from them and nagging them may cause more conflict than it's worth but there are little things that all of them say/do to DS that I don't like for various reasons and some of the time I give them a bit of direction around interacting with him but I have a feeling I'm coming across as a bit bossy and controlling and really want to have as positive an atmosphere as possible with them all. Also I would like them to be able to interact more positively with DS.

    For example DS is just ten months and my mother will talk non stop to him with no room for him to respond saying things like 'where's the dog? where's the birdie? What does the birdie say? Say tweet, tweet! What does the dog say? etc It is literally non stop and really not age appropriate or relevant to what he's playing with/looking at. My Dad talks really loudly at him and DS nearly always looks startled. Even though both DH and I have mentioned to my parents a few times to keep it simple and to talk nice and calmly they continue to behave the same way (with some small improvements) Any advice?

  • #2
    Overall, that doesn't sound too bad... at least they are interested in interacting with him at this age.
    You could try offering them information that might improve age appropriateness. Would they be interested in reading a book. Are you modeling for them?

    Does your father have hearing loss? That is often the case in men who speak too loudly to others!

    Is he their first grandchild? If he is, remember its the first time, in a LONG time, that they have interaction with babies and children and are learning to. Show them a game he likes (peek a boo) or something that he enjoys... but don't forget that they will want that special thing between them. With my oldest- his grandma and him read holiday books together, and with his Grandy (my mom) they play animals together.
    In the end your son may just accept that Grandma talks a lot and Grandpa talks really loud....... and adjusts and learns to love them, even develop a secondary attachment. Give your parents more time to learn about your son's likes and dislikes and find themselves where they want to be as grandparents.


    • #3
      I agree - both sets of grandparents do things that drive me insane.

      The way that I've come to deal with it is to accept that first and foremost grandparents fulfill a special place in the kids' lives that I can't. The kids need their grandparents. They also see their grandparents a relatively short time in their lives. So from there I chose to put the relationship first and let all but the most critical go.

      So the time that my ODS wouldn't eat jellybeans and my mom proudly told me about how she got him to eat them by giving him ketchup to dip them in? Let it go. The important thing is that he has a great relationship with Grandma. I certainly won't be feeding him jellybeans and ketchup , so I can let that one go as a one time thing.

      My MIL really interacts w/ the kids in ways I wouldn't choose. My take on that is that she chooses what kind of relationship she wants to have with the kids. She's a big girl, she can see how the kids respond to her and if that's what she wants to foster, then she can make that choice. I've tried to direct that relationship but I finally realized I needed to step out and accept that my children's relationship between themselves and grandparents is out of my control.

      The truth is that we can't control how everyone interacts with our kids and trying to will add strain to the relationship. ABSOLUTELY I step in if something potentially harmful is happening - but beyond that I choose to value the relationship over the details. Because yes, grandparents (aunts, uncles) will not do everything the way they choose, and yes, they will drive us insane! If you feel that your parents interactions will harm your son, then definitely step in. If it's merely annoying or disconcerting, let it go.


      • #4
        Thanks all,

        I see what you mean and that helps a lot actually. It's funny because my son already shows them he's not happy with some things by looking shocked or by fussing so hopefully they will respond to his cues a bit better than my direction. Will be going over there on Friday so will try to let go a little and see how that works.


        • #5
          I heard that in Asian countries, they value the "olds" that much. They even allowed them to live with their families.