My first is now 2 months and we are loving every minute of it. We approached parenting with our instincts and have come to find out we very closely follow the AP style naturally. The only big issues we are having are with grandparents.
Since day one, both sides visited every other day. This was a little stressful since we were trying to get acquainted with our new family but I appreciated the fact that they wanted to be involved in their new grandchild's life. This has backed down to once a week now. However, since the first week, both sides were asking when we they could watch him at their houses telling us we needed time for ourselves. We both feel that our little one is not ready to be without mom and dad and quite frankly we don't need time alone. We enjoy being together and love to go everywhere together! We have expressed this to both sides but every time they come over, they make comments about how we need time and ask when are they going to get to keep the child alone. Our decision is to try and make time to visit their homes more often but stay with the child. It is not that we don't trust them, but we know their parenting styles are much different than ours and that they may not respect our wishes. For example, when they cry, my step dad says "oh it's good for them" and my mother wants to give the kid water and wonders why aren't feeding solids until at least 6 months. I want them to be involved but not at the expense of our values and parenting instincts. Are we out of line? Any ideas on what to say to drive the point home? I don't want them to think we don't trust them and jeopardize our great relationships.
The other issue is specially with my mother. She gets her feelings hurt very easily and goes on the defensive. When we were pregnant, I told her we were BFing. She constantly tried to tell me that I didn't have to and it was OK if I decided not to. I knew this, but I wanted to no matter how hard it was (surprise, it wasn't that hard for us thankfully!). Then, after the birth, she has been criticizing our decisions - co-sleeping, not letting him CIO, BFing, etc. Not openly like "you are stupid for doing that" but in a backhanded way... "oh...i see... interesting...". I try and explain why we are doing what we do, but she seems to take it as an insult to her parenting (the old "well you turned out fine didn't you?") which I don't have a problem... this is just what we want to do.. On top of all that she seems to act like it is her child. She wants to feed, comfort when crying, and even uses "my baby" when talking. Several friends have seen this and they made that observation to me privately. I understand that she wants a special relationship with her grandchild but there is plenty of time for that to blossom. Right now babies need their parents 99% of the time in our opinion. It is our job to feed, comfort and provide the nurturing to build a strong relationship for our family at home. This is affecting our relationship because I am on pins and needles every time I am around her or on the phone with her. I don't want to offend her but will not back off what I think is right. Ideas?
Finally, one last thing - we have a big family reunion coming up in a week and there will be all kinds of aunts and uncles there who have yet to meet the new addition. I don't feel comfortable passing the baby from one to the next because of my little one getting upset when not with mom or dad. I will wear a sling but I know everyone is going to want a chance to "hold the baby". Ideas on how politely decline?
Sorry for the length but I had alot on my mind!