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sad mom and daycare

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  • sad mom and daycare

    hi guys
    I need some advice! my little boy (9 months) will be starting daycare next week, because I have to go back to work; it's a 12 kid daycare, with 3 permanent carers, set in a house a few streets from our home.
    His dad will look after him 2 days and he will have 2 half days at daycare
    I just cannot stop worrying/crying about "losing him"; I have reframed it tonnes of times in my head - that I'm not losing him, just sharing him with my husband, he'll get used to daycare, etc, but it still breaks my heart
    We have visited the daycare and he plays with the toys, but wat if he is really sad there without me?
    Does anyone have any nice stories about daycare? Or any advice for me on dealing with this?

  • #2
    I found that to be a tough transition, too. I don't know if I can give you advice - only assure you that you will find your groove with this new arrangement and feel better about it.

    My daughter started daycare at 15 months - from nothing to full-time. I was a SAHM, but had become very ill, hospitalized, and couldn't care for her (talk about guilt!). We had about a week to make arrangements, so it was pretty abrupt and unexpected. Like you, it broke my heart and she and I were both very sad. Being sad is okay, though. That's a natural progression through adjustment. I reminded myself why we chose the childcare we did, that we made the best decision we could, and that we felt good about it, even though we were unhappy about the circumstances. I took a lot of comfort in the small group; stable, devoted caregivers; and comfortable facility. I knew the children were treated compassionately and lovingly from what I'd seen, what I heard about DD, and what my husband told me he saw there. I also wrote a letter to the lead teacher about DD's needs and my concerns - I tried to be undemanding, just explanatory, and asked for more information about her days to ease my mind. The staff were really kind about it and filled out her "about my day" form, but added little notes and stories about her for me. It helped my "broken heart" that they kept that up her first month.

    I also reminded myself that there are countless loving, attached families that use daycare even from infanthood. And, working parents can maintain attached relationships, too. Though in my case I wasn't working, I had to reconnect after my time away from her. There's much you can do to reconnect when you're together. Personally, I liked the holding, cuddling, and wearing her - physical closeness. I noticed she seemed to prefer connecting with play. Makes sense, right? But, it was easy to overlook when I was ill or busy with chores. When I focused on her play, those were days she asked for me, sought me out, and just wanted to hang out with me more.

    Well, this went on for most of a year and at 2 1/2, I feel our relationship is as close and loving as it ever was. She also came to love her teacher and her little friends there.


    • #3
      thank you so much for your kind words! it's so sad to leave them, and you convince yourself nobody can do the job as close to as well as you can...
      hope you guys are all healthy and happy now!


      • #4
        Daycare has been by far the hardest part of being a mother for me, and I say this in spite of having a colicky baby who screamed for pretty much the first 6 mths of his life, and still doesn't sleep through the night at 27 mths. I felt like I was abandoning him when I went back to work part time when he was 10.5 mths, and it broke my heart even though (at that time) he was at home 4 mornings a week with his grandparents, and only at a home daycare for 1 morning a week. It was so hard to leave my upset baby with someone else, and lots of days I cried all the way to work. At first, he did seem "mad" at me some days when we would get home, which made me feel even worse! With that said, we did adjust then, and did again just a few mths later when we switched him to a Montessori school for 3 mornings a week. Again, this was very tough for the first mth or so, but he tells me now that he likes school, he talks about his friends, and often says that he has had "a lovely day". As hard as it was (sometimes still is!) hard to send him to another caregiver, he has adjusted and so have I. It sounds cliche, but I think that because I go to work, I appreciate the time we do have together. Good luck with this tough transition.


        • #5
          thanks, LLMom