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how to prep baby to sleep away

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  • how to prep baby to sleep away

    I'm going through a divorce and overnights started last weekend for my 19 month old daughter (forgive, I don't know all the short cut letters yet for faster posting.) He only comes once a month and it is for one night during the 4 day visit. (not my idea...)

    Overnight went...I was called several times by Dad but he figured something out. Baby was "ok" when she came back to me. But...she was exhausted. Apparently she did not sleep...or if she did it was fitfully. We "practiced" the weekend before with her great aunt and uncle...they said she did fine. After both of these overnights she took almost 4 hour naps the next day (a rare occasion) and slept 8 hours straight through the night the next night. She usually sleeps in 4 hour intervals waking up to nurse.

    I've been putting her down in her own bed (bed on the floor that I lay down in and nurse her to sleep and then go to her immediately every time she calls for me. this has been working But by 5 am we are snuggled up together in my bed, which I love and I know she does to.) Hope is that she will get use to sleeping alone so when she goes with Dad it isn't so foreign. Doing the same night time routine so that Dad could follow it.
    Any suggestions? am I going about this all wrong?

  • #2
    Wow, this sounds incredibly hard, on you, your daughter, and her dad. Consistent, loving care seems like the most appropriate principle here--I don't have any specific tips! Would it be possible for him to visit her during the day and let her return to you at night?

    Hang in there, keep communication open with her dad - for her sake, and let her know you are there for her! It's a tough situation, and it's great that you have the skills you do to help her through it.

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    • #3
      What an emotionally difficult situation!

      I do not have alot of wisdom to impart, but having things stay as close to normal as before can help ease this transition. Therer are some helpful articles on divorce at Jan Hunt's website http://www.naturalchild.org.

      I agree with AwakenedMama, can Dad put off the overnights, for a few more months at least? Dad can see that your babe is having a hard time, maybe he can postpone the overnight stays?

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      • #4
        Dad is unreasonable...part of the reason we are in this predicament. I don't think that he will be willing to put off overnights until she is older. He thinks I'm making separation anxiety up or that I am causing it. I suggested he read Dr. Sear's nighttime parenting, which he says that he did and is going to practice "attachment parenting." It only happens once a month for one night a visit now until Chistmas. Christmas it goes to two nights. All of the attorneys in the room, even her attorney, said that a judge would not consider ex's request unreasonable. We are in Texas....they send 3 year olds off for 42 days in summer w/ non custodial parent. so to avoid that I settled for this. 42 days now starts at 5 1/2. I stayed up for two days crying after this agreement & mad @ her Dad for his selfishness.
        We will see how next overnight goes. I'm going to check out the link. thank you.

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        • #5
          I am thinking of you and your daughter!

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          • #6
            Thank you. Very kind. I went to the site for natural child. I read the article and sent it to her Dad. We shall see....

            So grateful for this forum!

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            • #7
              I agree it's best for there to be no overnights, if possible. It was wise of you to go with the best possible situation, even though it's not optimal.

              I'm thinking that you might want to do what you & your daughter both want and need in regards to night time parenting. She will learn that things are different at Daddy's place than with Mommy. So, if you & she are both comforted by co-sleeping, which it sounds like you are, you might want to just go with it. If she stays up all night at Daddy's place, then that's just one night of the month. Does that make sense?? It sounds like your DD is doing what she needs to adjust. Oh, and maybe send her with a shirt of yours, all Mommy and milk smelly?

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              • #8
                Great idea! maybe I'll send one of my bras. That is what the mediator said..it is just once a month. she goes to two nights once a month 2009. anything to keep her from having to do the 42 days in the summer..that doesn't take effect until she is 5.5

                The co-sleeping has definately helped her. especially since she is in the high swings of separation anxiety.
                Last edited by Plumsmum; 05-23-2008, 02:53 PM.

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                • #9
                  No particular advice, but I am new to this site and came here seeking support and advice for a very similar situation. I am divorced, my son is 2. He did some overnights between 14 and 18 months, 1x/month just like you. It seemed to go similarly. Eventually dad decided it wasn't worth it. Now he is demanding overnights again... My son is verbal and doesn't want to go. He loves going to Dad's, he just say he wants to come home to "sleep with mommy in the big bed." My ex is unreasonable as well. I think he gave them up before due to pressure from his wife because they had a brand new baby.
                  Sigh.
                  I think I agree with the thought that you should parent the way you think is best in your home. If co-sleeping works for you and it soothes and grounds your daughter, I think it will only help her. She'll understand that things are different at Dad's and this way you have a great way to help her readjust when she comes home. Just my thoughts.
                  Best of luck to you and your daughter. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more since we are in similar situations.

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