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  • Carseat Sleeper?

    Hey everyone, I am very new to the mom thing and my midwife mentioned AP parenting so here I am. First I’d like to say everything I’ve read here is wonderful and completely reinforces what I already believed about parenting. That said, I would really love some advice on a couple of things. My four week old sleeps with me and I have a Sleepy Wrap that we are both in love with but what about when I NEED to put him down? My husband works all day and when I get up to shower and start the day (which varies greatly depending on the sleep we got the night before) I have to put him in his crib or basket. Sometimes he does great but he almost never makes it through shower without crying. I have to jump out and dry off quickly before comforting him and I feel awful because it happens daily. Also, he sleeps in the car seat if we go somewhere. Usually two minutes and he’s out like a light. So, do I take him out at our destination and immediately upon arriving at home or is it alright to leave him in it? I feel like every minute he cries or he's on his own (asleep or awake) I'm not living up to being a mom.

  • #2
    Ooooh four weeks, so little and needy of mommy! Some people really enjoy them that little, I prefer the 8mo old! It dosn't mean you are not cut out for mothering, but some of us find the early weeks more challenging! The laying the baby down thing is a problem for our own self care, as my two would both wake up as soon as I put them down also. Some techniques I used were movement ---a bouncy or vibration chair for my showers. Also if I had nursed them to sleep on a bed I would immediately take off the shirt I was wearing and lay it right next to him. Then my 'smell' would still be there. Most of the time I would wait until hubby was home and then have my "me" time, but I know everyone does not have that option. So try a couple things, and remember as soon as you have a 'solution' he will change developmentally and need a new 'solution' so don't get discouraged! They change so quick this little.

    The car seat thing. --IF--- you can park right next to your door and leave the door open and be in the room looking out to the car that is in the shade, I wouldn't leave him in the car. Sometimes my son will fall asleep and I will roll all the windows down and garden in the front yard, or ask a neighbor to stand next to the car while I go in to go potty..but generally not a good idea. Do you live in the country or city? Is it hot or cold out, in the sun, strangers walking around? could you hear him, see him? Many Variables! Mostly iffy--Is he in a bucket seat you can remove? If he is not, start getting him used to being picked out and go back to sleep....

    Anyway....
    You can do it!--this mothering thing--- I start feeling like I have better mother aptitude at 5mo, you can make it too!

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    • #3
      AAAH!

      Oh, dear God, I didn't mean I'd leave him in the car. NEVER. Sorry to give that impression. I should have worded it better. I just meant to take the seat out and carry it with me with him in it instead of taking him out of the seat and potentially waking him up. He's always cranky if woken up but doesn't always wake up if moved. Thank you for advice though!

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      • #4
        Oh, that's good!
        I didn't mean I'd leave him in the car.
        Yeah, the thing is to not leave them in 'devices' all day. Not always in a baby holding thing, more in and with people. Some babies wake in a crib, put in a stroller, put in a car seat, put in a baby swing, put in a crib...with only human touch for a diaper change... More human touch, the better! Devices in moderation!

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Asher View Post
          I feel like every minute he cries or he's on his own (asleep or awake) I'm not living up to being a mom.
          please don't put this kind of undue pressure on yourself! you will never be able to meet that kind of self-imposed demand. your intuitiveness, your instinctual parenting, your emotional responsiveness, all make you worthy of being a mother. you are just one person, meeting the demands of a baby/child, takes a lot of work and YES, your needs are important, too. if you have to take a shower, get something to eat, etc, you are not being a bad mom! by responding to your baby, he will soon learn that mommy is here for me, i trust her, and can relax for a minute by myself if need be.

          babywearing is awesome, but there are physical limitations to how long one person can wear a baby. enlist the help of others like your dp (can't remember if you have one). also, read the principle on nurturing touch. it provides more info on meeting your baby's needs besides just babywearing.

          whether to wake him from his carseat is a personal decision. i never liked to leave mine in the buckets, but i also had great respect for their sleep needs, so if they were sleeping, it felt rude to disturb them, but i was always right there when they woke so they knew i hadn't abandoned them.

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          • #6
            I don't shower everyday (have REALLY sensitive skin) & when I do my husband is here & takes the baby. Do you need to shower everyday? I know a lot of people feel like they have to.

            I take her out of the carseat even if she's asleep but I have a weird dislike of the carseat & hate having her in it.

            Every now & then I will have to put her down so I can go to the bathroom or something & she'll cry. I felt like you described, BUT it actually gets MUCH better as they get older. Now, if I have to put her down, she can play w/ toys for a minute & it makes a HUGE difference. Just wanted to let you know it gets better!

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            • #7
              Lol. I have actually tried the skip a shower thing but I have extremely curly hair and to get the rat's nests out from sleeping the only thing that works is shower and conditioner. Thank all of you for the advice and encouragement though!

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              • #8
                I had the same problem at first. I would keep our changing mat on a rug on the bathroom floor and changed all his diapers there. He often got little sink rinses during his diaper changes which he loved and at some point, I think between 1 and 2 months he became very used to being on the bathroom floor. At that point I could magically shower again, really fast but it was still a shower! And I kept the curtain partially open so I could see him and he could see me and I sang to him the whole time. Once out I could usually get ready without too much trouble but I didn't push my luck and dawdle. I also tried the vibrating chair with him and sometimes it worked and some times it didn't. A few times in desperation I put him in my solarveil sling and took him in with me, which he loved but I found it too hard to shower, got the stinky parts though!

                Now at 6 months I can get a decent shower but I still need to be efficient. It does get better!

                Also my guys happiest times are before noon, so I time my showers accordingly...or take them after hubby gets home. And some times he cries some before I'm done and I just hurry and keep singing, talking and looking at him. I hate when he cries but also a clean mama is a happy mama in my house. I do have shower priorities each time though so if I have to cut it short I still feel ok.

                Anyway, I'm babbling - you hang in there!

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                • #9
                  I had DH watch baby until DS was older and keen on taking a shower with me. Some people shower with babies, although I haven't.

                  We always took ds out the car seat, yeah sometimes it sucked, but we did it as it was better for him and the car seat wasn't removable.

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                  • #10
                    My motto is never wake a sleeping baby so if my baby falls asleep in the car seat I leave them there and just carry him (I have 3 boys, hence the use of the male pronoun!) with me to wherever I am. My current infant won't sleep in the car seat at all and I happen to really miss the days when I could carry a sleeping baby in and have a few moments to unload groceries or something. I don't feel that the point of AP for me is to never put my baby down, but rather to be sensitive to my baby's touch needs. If he's asleep in the car seat I assume he's happy and all his needs are met so there's no need for me to take him out.

                    My baby often ends up crying during shower times. With this current baby I lay him on the floor of the bathroom and the sound of the shower soothes him so he's happy. Often when I get out he starts fussing. After trying it every way possible my current plan is to dress quickly and only pick him up if he starts seriously crying. We're talking 2 minutes of fussing here and I am finding that with 3 kids and a chaotic household that if I stop mid-dressing then it often takes me hours to finish. So in the interest of a clothed Mommy he often fusses for a few minutes (while I talk/sing to him) so that my needs are met and I can focus on the kids from there on out.

                    To me this is the point of the "Balance" Principle - in an ideal world my baby would never fuss, but in THIS world I need to balance my need to get dressed every day with his need to be held. We're pretty attached so I can listen to him and gauge when he really absolutely needs to be picked up and when I can finish what I need to do and hold him off for a minute by talking and singing. The same principle goes for eating. I delay many a meal to parent, but sometimes I just have to finish eating/set something up while the baby fusses so that my need for food is met too.

                    I agree with PaxMamma, it's unrealistic to believe that your baby will never cry or that you need to be there for him every second of every day. When I start putting too much pressure on myself (often) I remind myself that the point of AP is not to be "perfect" (never use a device, never have my baby cry) but overall to parent in a manner that allows my kids to feel safe, accepted and respected.

                    You're clearly trying to be the best mom you can be, and that's the best that any of us can do!

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                    • #11
                      I have a bouncy seat for the bathroom My children are rarely put down, but, I need to shower So, if the babe is asleep, I put them in the bouncy. If baby is awake, then I wear them in the Hotsling pool sling, (or the Body Glove carrier)).

                      I generally take the baby out of their seat, and put them in a carrier. My children have all slept so well, and soundly being carried, so they generally go right back to sleep.

                      At 4 weeks, baby is growing, your hormones are changing... just make sure to give yourself a break. DOn't put undue pressure on yourself.

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                      • #12
                        I have a rocker seat that I use while I'm in the shower - but I found DD (now 4 months) was fussy while I showered until she was about 8 weeks. I got round this most of the time by not showering until DH was home and could hold her. I wanted her to get used to the bathroom so he would often sit in there with her while I showered (we have little stools in the bathroom for SD 9). Now DD will happily sit while I shower, she can see me, and I chat to her. I often co-bath with her too, I can co-shower, but find I need DH there to hand her to me! Co bathing is a bit easier as I can get her ready and then me ready and pop us both in the bath. I get two towels ready on the floor to put her on when we get out, cover her up with another towel, and then dry off myself! It's quite a production isn't it!

                        It will get better, after a few weeks, DD loves the rocky chair and watching me have a shower too! But it took a few weeks for her to allow me some "out of arms" time - those first 8 weeks or so were 24 hours a day, now she is a little bigger she likes a bit of kicking time, or to "sit" next to me on the couch and watch her sister playing.

                        I love the in arms time though - it's so short in the scheme of things and I'll miss it when it's over!

                        Hang in there!

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                        • #13
                          How about bathing w/ babe ... carefully of course! Or showering w/ babe in a water friendly sling? I think Kangaroo Korner still has them.

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                          • #14
                            Bathing with babes

                            DS is currently 10 months and I have been showering with him since he was about 4 weeks old. I have sensitive skin so I don't often wash my hair or use soaps so when I want to wash my hair I wait till I have a helper (usually DH or flatmate) to dry DS while I finish off my ablutions

                            DS used to not sleep lying down for the first 3 months of his life and refused to sleep anywhere but in arms or in the car seat.. so we put him in the catseat inside a crib next to the bed (in arms' reach) so I could feed him when he stirred and then he could easily be put back down again. It does make it much easier transporting a wee babe in a capsule rather than a full careseat, but my wee man was generally fine being picked up out of the carseat asleep and tied to me in a wrap or meitai ^_^

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                            • #15
                              Ha! I just had this conversation with my mom the other day. My 7 week old has been taking her long naps in her carseat for over a week now and my mom is just appalled that I'm letting yet another one of my girls do this again (my oldest slept in it for a month for naps). I shower when my husband is home, but if for some reason he's not and I need to, I either bring in the carseat to the bathroom or the boppi swing we have. Sometimes she gets grumpy, but I try not to dawdle. Usually the sound of the shower intrigues her long enough for me to hurry and get clean. My daughter always falls asleep in someone's arms, unless it's a car ride. If she's asleep in the car, I'll either get her out and put her in her sling or just bring the carseat with me. Sometimes when she's slinging and asleep she gets so warm, and then makes me warm, and so I just take off her with her sling and put her either in the carseat or the swing. My philosophy is that she's not going to forever sleep in her carseat, eventually she'll want to stretch out, but she still really wants cradled and if my husband and I can't do it for some reason, then I lay her in something that she thinks is for a few minutes. But, they do eventually let you shower (actually, that's not totally true...my 5 1/2 year old always comes in to chat at me while I"m trying to shower!).

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