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help for dad to bond and put baby asleep without mom

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  • help for dad to bond and put baby asleep without mom

    Im a stay at home mom with an 11 month amazing baby girl who is very happy and have never been crying much not even at nights. I have been the only one putting her to bed as i breast fed and she would fall asleep at breast or by rocking after until 9 months. She stopped breast feeding on her own at 9 months and takes a bottle cereal now instead. Now she can actually fall asleep just laying down on my arm after the bottle. She used to wake up and nurse every 2-3 hrs before but almost sleep thru the night now which is amazing. She also sleeps in crib next to us with no problem, and ends up in bed in early morning. Bedtime is sweet and nice, usually no cry or long as i do it!
    Her and I are so very close and although the nights have become much easier after i stop breastfeeding she now has a lot of separation anxiety. (i dont know if this has to do with not breastfeeding or if she wold have had this otherwise too) Although she has been crying when i leave, she is not clingy to me at all when im home alone with her...she plays on her own almost all day, just happy and exploring everything....But when he is home she has been crying a lot when he takes her or if i leave the room...therefore he has been afraid to spend time alone and as our relationship get stronger his self esteem gets lower and their relationship is not as bonded.
    The days have however become better and he has recently finally started to spend more time with her alone during the days off as i have started to leave for errands on my own, sometimes a full day...and he can now sometimes put her to nap if im not at home.
    But she resists him completely at night and he can not put her to bed or put her back to sleep at a night awakenings. She gets hysterical if he tries. We have even tried to put her to bed together at nights to ease the change but she cant even fall asleep with him next to her.
    Some friends say i have to leave and he has to work it out on his own until they find what will work for them, but he is afraid she will cry for hrs and not sure he can take it...i know she will pick up on his mood if he is insecure and it will only make things worse.
    We have even tried for me to sleep on the couch one night but gave up after an hr of cry as neither of us can take it.
    He is helping so much with everything else and is an amazing dad....he's starting nightime with bath on his nights off and always does diapers or bottle at night. When i stopped nursing she wouldnt let him change the diaper at night if she saw me leave bed to make the bottle so therefore i have picked her up and he has made bottle. She is fine with him giving her the bottle as long as i am close or shes on my arm, but as soon after she needs to roll over to me to fall asleep.
    I am wondering if we should have him do diapers every night so that she gets used to him this way...any thoughts? Maybe once she is completely fine with him picking her up for diaper he can start try to sooth her after bottle. And maybe after that we can try him put her to bed in the eve. I am just not sure what may be the best way to go about this...and less stress on her. I know the more she cries with him the less self esteem he gets and the harder it will become! But we need the change, not only for them but it is hard on our relationship too as we both are sad about this.

    Please any advise will be very appreciated!!!!

  • #2
    your dd is definitely in a completely normal separation anxiety stage. in addition, it is normal for a child to desire one parent over the other, and this will change back and forth over the course of their lives. continue to support her cues in "i need mommy" and she will soon learn that "i need daddy" too. she is still very young and working out her relationship w/both of you. it's not that dad isn't good enough or that you are better than him. it's just a matter of who she feels most comfortable w/at the present. if i were you, i'd take advantage of the current situation and enjoy it, b/c one day she will run to her dad instead of you and you will miss it!


    • #3
      I agree with you Paxmama. There seems to be no benefit for anyone in forcing the issue between father and daughter at this time. They will become close, when she is ready. She already displays more affection for her daddy then some I know at this age. My four tear old used to be a typical mommy all the time baby, but now prefers doing things with daddy. It will happen, be gentle and understanding to her feelings, they are legitimate.

      FAQ's Fathering
      Above all, realize that this phase will pass. This is NOT rejection. It is development.

      Fathers Are Primary Parents!

      This Father is Not a Mother