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Dad not onboard with co-sleeping anymore

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  • Dad not onboard with co-sleeping anymore

    Hi All,

    I am new to this site and still learning to navigate it so please forgive me if this has been covered already. I am a SAHM to 12 month old Vance and two teen stepdaughters. My stepdaughters lost their BM 4 years ago at which time I became their legal guardian. My husband was divorced from BM for 10 years at the time she pased. In any case, she was not an attached parent to my SDs nor did she nurse them. She worked full-time outside of teh home and both children werre cared for by a babysitter from 2 weeks of age. My husband had never heard of the term attached parenting until I got pregnant and started doing some reading. I was nursed for 12 months by my mother and she practed attachment parenting (although I dont think she knew that at the time) All the children in my extended family were nursed for at least 1 year, and all my cousins co-slept with their parents. The baby of teh family coslept till he was seven and nursed tlll he was 3 and 1/2. For me this is a normal way of life in my family. For my husband it is something foreign and new.

    The trouble is that although he understands that co-sleeping and nursing an infant go hand and hand, our infant is now a toddler and as he says he "wants his wife back". He wants me to transition our 12 moth old to a pack n play next to our bed. But our toddler is simply not having it.I have tried but and not very motivated because I like having him in the bed with us and dont mind that he still nurses at night. My husband works away from home a lot so on those nights I dont see why I should sleep seperately from my son, only to have to get up to nurse, and then work to get him back to sleep and into the pack n play. We both sleep better and longer with him in our bed.

    Anyone encounter this problem and how did you deal with it?

    Thank You,
    Michelle

  • #2
    My first response is that your husband sounds like he is not getting his needs met. He might think that removing the child from the bed will give him "his wife back". Maybe he can be more specific about what he would like from you at nighttime that you are not providing. Does he want more intimate time? Does he want to cuddle you to fall asleep? Is he concerned about freinds and family members knowing that the child still sleep with you? What other ways to solve it are there then forcing you and the child to do something you are not ready to do? Do some creative problem solving instead of arbitrary demands.
    Non-violent communication (NVC) would be an excellent way to approach this with him.
    Here are some links

    http://www.cnvc.org/en/what-nvc/nvc-model/2-parts-and-4-components-nvc
    http://www.compassionatecommunicatio...eeds-list.html
    Making Cooperative Parenting Work - when mom and dad disagree
    By Jennifer Scoby

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    • #3
      I have heard other mamas mention that they put their LO's to sleep in a seperate bed when everyone goes to bed at night, but then bring the LO into bed after the first time they wake up. That would give your husband some cuddle time with you. i don't know if your LO will put up with that, but maybe it's something to try.

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      • #4
        What about a co sleeping bassinet? I believe the armsreach one is good, we just have a crib with the side taken off clamped to our bed with a foam wedge stuffed in the gap.... works a treat as DS has his own space and so do DH and I. Then you can roll over and feed without getting up! (weird, I just wrote that in the present tense but we have moved DS into his own space in the last few weeks )

        I agree with the others that perhaps it might help to talk through this a bit more with DH to try and find out why he is feeling this way.

        GL, hope that you can work this out where you are all happy.
        Last edited by PaxMamma; 03-22-2009, 07:28 AM. Reason: trademarked word

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