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questions about co-sleeping/bedtime routine, etc

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  • questions about co-sleeping/bedtime routine, etc

    Hi all,
    I am a new mama and new to the boards. I started reading The Baby Book by Dr. Sears during my pregnancy and felt that AP makes the most sense to me -- it feels the most natural and "right" Anyway, we didn't intend to co-sleep from the beginning, but we had a really rough start breastfeeding and he lost a bunch of weight, etc so co-sleeping worked the best for us so I could get to him when he woke up but before he started crying, to promote skin-to-skin and bonding, and also to get us all in a horizontal position for more than an hour. Now we're addicted and our little boy is 12 weeks old and growing and thriving. There's just nothing better than waking up next to a smiling baby!

    I do have some questions though....and please forgive me if they are dumb questions, I am new to this! Right now he doesn't have a set bedtime. Because we are co-sleeping, he just goes to sleep when we are ready to go to bed (or later...haha). So we're talking like 10:30, 11 or later most nights. He doesn't really have consistent naptimes either. I am not trying to put him on a schedule, but I think a little more structure would be good, yes? How do I get him to go to sleep without having to put myself in bed at the same time? I don't know how this works when co-sleeping. I would like to put him down at like 8pm and then come in a few hours later to retire for the night. Does this make sense?

    And how do you do naptimes when co-sleeping? It seems like he will only nap in my arms or occasionally his swing.

    I don't believe in CIO at all, but no one seems to have any advice other than "Just put him in bed when it is bedtime, let him cry himself to sleep. It'll be terrible but you'll get used to it." That's just not an acceptable solution for me.

    So I kind of rambled...in short, how do I put him in bed without going to bed myself? He only seems to sleep when touching me.

    Thanks for your help!!!

  • #2
    Great questions!
    You don't mention how old your child is...I can tell you that with my first child I never created a schedule with him or a set bedtime until he was about a year old. I was at home with him and had no external time constraints so just let him sleep when he wanted. At one point I was able to start rolling away after nursing him to sleep. Each child is different and both of my boys tolerated me rolling away at different ages. Sometimes little things like immediately taking off my shirt and putting it near him helped convince him it was OK to still be sleeping....but those little tricks depend on your kid and your own needs. I did that for naps and nighttime.
    " I would like to put him down at like 8pm and then come in a few hours later to retire for the night. Does this make sense?”
    When my babies were really little I would often give them to their dad to hold after I nursed them to sleep in the early evening. He was usually watching a silly show or on the computer so I could go take a shower or do other things. Be sure to use the Papa for times when they are open to the idea!


    "Just put him in bed when it is bedtime let him cry himself to sleep. It'll be terrible but you'll get used to it." That's just not an acceptable solution for me.
    I think it would do you well to find some likeminded parents in your area so that is not all the advice you are getting! I don’t see any API groups there, but are their any non-affiliated AP or even La Leche League group. I really encourage you!

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    • #3
      thanks for the reply!!

      my little boy is 12 weeks old.

      i would love to find an api group. it doesn't look like there are any in indiana though.

      i do belong to a LLL group. perhaps i will ask my questions at the next mtg.

      thanks for the encouragement. i am a brand-new mom and often feel like i am swimming upstream. it's hard to do things differently than everyone else i know.

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      • #4
        when mine were younger, dh or i would lay w/them until they went to sleep then get back up for a few hours before going to bed ourselves. this worked well w/both our kids.

        it's totally OK to feel like you're swimming upstream. i have always felt that anything worth doing requires effort. come here often for support, we're all in the same boat!

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        • #5
          I go to bed with them or pass the sleeping baby to daddy.

          When they are older it's easier to sneak out the room. Or get a laptop and sit on the bed, many mothers do that one

          When babies are little co-sleeping reminds us mothers that we need our sleep too

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