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Co sleeping with 3 year old and newborn

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  • Co sleeping with 3 year old and newborn

    I never knew what attachment parenting was when I had my daughter but holding her, co sleeping, wearing her, breastfeeding all came so natural to me. I was so comforted when I read my first Sears book. Wow there are others just like me and its called "attachment parenting". Because of my natural instinct I feel my husband was left out of the loop and he still believes a baby should sleep in a crib. I've tried educating him on AP but he just doesn't get it and I think doesn't want to. So I feel pretty alone when it comes to AP, I have no support. Even the mom's group I'm apart of none of them co sleep.

    3 years later I still sleep with my DD. We bought her a big girl bed (a full size) a year ago which is in her room where I have been sleeping for the past year. I talk to her about sleeping by herself but she tells me she isn't ready and honestly I'm not ready either! She is very verbal and knows what she wants and I will not force her to sleep alone if she is not ready. And because AP her and I are very much attached!

    Here is my dilemma...I am due with baby boy in October and although he was planned I'm completely scared. Will I still be as attached to DD as I have been? Will she be jealous or envious in any way? How do I get them to be loving to one another? How can I become as attached to him as I am with her? How do I co sleep with him in her bed or do I really need to move out of her room to ensure safety? Will being the only AP parent in the house cause any issue with my marriage? He is already asking if the baby will sleep in the crib (that we still have from DD that was never used). How do I make co sleeping with a 3 year old and an newborn possible? HELP!

  • #2
    that's so awesome that you're following your instincts when it comes to your child. i always say my oldest is the one that got me into AP. i didn't even know that there was such a thing, either!

    as for co-sleeping w/2, check out our Safe Infant Sleep guidelines here:
    http://www.attachmentparenting.org/safeinfantsleep/

    the safest way is for you to be in between the 2 children. never leave them alone together in the bed. i was VERY worried how things would work out w/cosleeping when i had my 2nd, but you know what? i worried needlessly. everything just fell into place. people have been having siblings for thousands and thousands of years. it's the most natural thing in the world. just continue to trust your instincts and you and they will do great!

    all of your other questions are very typical of parents who are expecting a 2nd child. i highly recommend "Siblings Without Rivalry" to deal w/the sibling issue. slings are a godsend w/a 2nd child, enlist the support of family and friends, but most importantly, your partner.

    on marriage, i recommend putting just as much effort into your partner as your children b/c ultimately our children benefit from that, too. try to come from a place of empathy, really listen to his concerns, why is it important for the baby to be in a crib? is he afraid of losing connection w/you? is he concerned for their safety? is it a cultural expectation? etc, etc. Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a fantastic book to read as well.

    i'm sorry you don't have much support, come here often and we'll help as much as possible. is there a LLL group in your area? the moms there can be tremendous support, too.

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    • #3
      Thank you for your support...I will check out the books you recommended and I will be coming here for support from now on.

      Thanks again!

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      • #4
        I was just where you are at a year ago, and you know what, it worked out fine!

        We pushed a bed up against the big bed. I still co sleep with both kids.

        Things do change, I won't lie to you. Is your hubbie there to help out when the baby arrives?

        Your first child will be so big compared to the baby, they will fight and the will love each other more than life itself, don't be shocked when the baby loves your older child so much, it really is amazing.

        Your in for a roller coster ride but I promise it's a fun one, scary at times, you may want off the ride too, but it's fun and I bet you'll be shocked how much you enjoy it when the time comes

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        • #5
          Yes, my husband will be there when the baby arrives he is a good dad just doesn't get the AP.

          I've heard that a couple times now how big the older sibling seems once the baby comes. I already know she is growing like a weed before my eyes, can't imagine her being any bigger!

          I'm feeling a lot more reassured already. Thanks for the feedback...keep it coming!

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