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similar to used2btiffany scenario

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  • similar to used2btiffany scenario

    Hello, re this quote a f ew posts ago from used2btiffany:

    "My husband and I decided to try letting my husband help put her to sleep, after I nurse her. It is our first night trying this out and she has been screaming (while my husband holds her) for about a solid 25 minutes. This feels like CIO to me but I know that it's not because she is being cuddled and comforted by my husband. Just wanted to see if anyone else has had this experience and check in to see that I am not doing any damage to my daughter's attachment to me by doing this"

    my partner is also trying to rock our 6 month to sleep occassionally for similar reasons. our daughter also cries during this rocking until she sleeps. can anyone speak to our concern about this affecting her attachment or trust in us? my partner is holding her the entire time, but we're uncertain whether to proceed with this approach because of her crying in his arms...

    thank you for any comments!
    Last edited by leanne; 07-27-2009, 04:21 PM. Reason: incomplete

  • #2
    hmmm, it would be very difficult to say whether this is affecting your child's attachment as really this can only be answered by you. what does your heart tell you? do you notice it affecting your attachment during the day, i.e. extra fussy, suddenly clingy. it could be that your child will quickly learn to trust your dh and utimately what you are doing will be good for their relationship, but again, you are the expert on your own family.

    i personally believe that dads and babies can work out their own relationship and can really thrive, but this is my experience b/c my dh has nurtured an incredible relationship w/both my boys and from the very beginning they have been so close. but that's not to say that this is how it works out for all families. i have heard of many babies just refusing dad until later in life. that's normal, too.


    • #3
      I agree, my boys father has held them crying for bedtime. I think we did it too early for my first as the transistion was harder and more crying was involved but my second we waited till just the other day and he seemed ready for it more. Only you can answer this for your own family, each child/ family/father etc is varied.
      My husband has been home most of the summer and today when he worked all day (but we saw him at lunch) my almost two year old gave him the cold shoulder...when they are usually very close. I think he was telling him he was mad at him for being gone today! He should be home soon and I wonder how the babies mood will be towards his dad?
      Last edited by naomifrederickmd; 07-28-2009, 01:12 PM.


      • #4
        Our family has also gone through this. I always had an idea in my head that if we didn't just go through with it, that our son would never accept his daddy. This wasn't true at all however. It seems that there are just periods of time when he wants just mama, and as long as I'm not desperately tired (and sometimes even if I am), we try to accomodate that, and I try to accept that it is just a passing phase and try to enjoy it. Timing seems to be everything though, because my son and husband can really get on a roll for weeks and months at a time where, although he prefers to be with mom, he'll happily go to dad too. Sometimes just waiting a couple nights to try it again makes all the difference. Good luck!


        • #5
          Thank you all for your thoughts. My partner works from home, has spent every day with our 6 month old since birth, and has the closest relationship a dad can possibly have with his treasure of a daughter. I feel reassured that a little upset in dad's sensitive arms may become less and less each time. We've given all of your thoughts consideration, helping us to appreciate the dynamics of our special relationships with her. Thank you all for your support!