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Being questioned on my decision to co-sleep (rant!)

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  • Being questioned on my decision to co-sleep (rant!)

    Hi, this is the first time I've posted here but I just had to let off a little steam. Hopefully this is in the right section, and sorry in advance for my very first post in the forums to be a rant, but hopefully this is ok.

    I was IMing with a friend (who's mother is our 9 month old's pediatrician btw) when out of the blue my friend says:

    "Btw my mom said co-sleeping is against medical advice tho she added that since your baby is a little older shed likely let you know if you rolled over on top of her. But she seemed kind of doctorly-distressed please dont think i am judging"

    She knows we've been co-sleeping, but I never asked her to ask her mom for her medical opinion on our behalf. I assured her nicely that I had done my research, I'm a light sleeper, I wouldnt even chance it if I was the slightest bit concerned, yadda yadda.

    I know people will always have their opinions, but I was a little surprised nonetheless. I don't feel like I need to defend my choices, especially to someone who doesn't have children themselves, but it kind of irritated me and I felt cornered like I did have to explain myself to her.

    For those of you who co-sleep, have you felt like you've had to defend your choices to friends/family? Am I wrong to be a little miffed at my friend, even if her warnings are "seemingly" well-intentioned?

    (Edited to change atrocious typo I noticed days after the fact. )
    Last edited by akc80; 03-22-2010, 10:04 AM.

  • #2

    I find situations like this just as hard as you, I´m sure. I try to think that well-intended people passing along information, even if its critical, is a good thing. I try to be thankful. I choose to belive that they really care, and want to do good. I think, to some extent, that friends who have concerns about our children should voice these concerns in a loving fashion of course.

    It takes a village. And someone need to reach and bee that village. It is good that friends/familymembers care enough, and trust enough to voice critical opinions. Sometimes they just need a bit of reassurance that we have taken an informed descision, abd that the children are not in any risk.

    It is sometimes hard though, having this feeling of needing to defend ones lifestyle. I think the key is to identify the critique as concern. An next step, identify consern as love. Makes it a bit easier. From what you write, your friend sounds like a friend who really loves and cares about you and your child.


    • #3
      Thank you for the welcome, and reply.

      You've made good points, and I agree--genuine, loving concern can definitely be forgiven and even appreciated. After a day being "removed" from the situation I'm definitely less miffed and can appreciate her comment in a different light. I think that since this is the first time my parenting choices have ever come into question by someone like this, it definitely surprised me.

      I guess too, since I'm already confident in my choices as a parent, I shouldn't ever really get upset if someone questions/disagrees with me.

      Anyway, thank you again for your thoughtful reply!