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nightweaning advice for 13 month old.

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  • nightweaning advice for 13 month old.

    Hi, hoping for some advice.
    I reached frustration break point at 13 months, with DS in bed and none of us sleeping properly as he became quite a wriggler and was constantly nursing. He's fine in cot in own room, wakes for 11pm feed which I'm still getting up for and DH has been rocking/cuddling him back to sleep the rest of the night, and bringing him through at 5.30ish to me and we nurse and go back to sleep together.
    We've been doing this fo nearly 2 weeks now but he is still waking quite a bit. I feel at stale mate. I don't want to carry on doing something that's clearly not working, but i can't go back to the constant feeding at night, I was turning into a daytime dragon...
    I just dont know if I am confusing him by giving him a feed at 11 when he wakes, then not the rest of the night when he wakes, and am thinking perhaps DH to just resettle him for all night feeds. Has anyone else tried this? It seems a bit much for him to go from 7-5.30/6ish without a feed and I might die of guilt trying to do this.
    I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place as I want to honour his nightime needs but I just CAN'T do it the way he needs/wants it without losing the plot. I just need some more sleep and so does DH who is being a darling. I just wish I had the stamina/ability to go on night feeding til he self-weaned, that was my aim right from the start.
    Another idea I had was that perhaps since they are my breasts 'I' should be resettling him and not feeding him. I just am not sure if I am able to do that - when he wakes it's automatic for me to give him boobie.

    How do they manage in the Yequena tribe?! I guess you just do when you have no options, only one bed etc! Like my DH points out to me 'but we're not in the Yequena tribe!'

  • #2
    I've heard some parents have had success with Dr. Jay Gordon's method. It may be worth a shot.

    http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

    We co-sleep so I don't mind that DS (3) still occasionally nurses at night. It helps put me back to sleep. If I had to get up and go into another room, it'd be difficult.
    Last edited by djenya; 10-02-2010, 10:42 AM.

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    • #3
      You don't say whether you're co-sleeping or not. That's what worked for us. But, I was comfortable enough in my sleep positions & in the fact that I would not roll over onto baby, that I was able to get enough sleep while co-sleeping. In fact, I would pretty much sleep through nursing or fall asleep while nursing, anyway, much of the time.

      This might not work for you and that's OK. Your husband is right - this isn't just about responding to baby's needs - it's about doing what is right for your family - everyone in your family. Making sure that everyone gets feels respected and valued in whatever plan you come up with.

      It's OK to try things out to see if they work, then change your mind & try something different.

      I think the most important thing to remember & it will be hard to embrace right now when you're in the midst of the no-sleep frustration, is that *this will pass*. Your child will get older, his food needs will change, his emotional needs will change. And, so will yours. Before you know it, he'll be 18 years old & graduating from high school & all of these worries about how many times he woke in the night will morph into nostalgia about this time you spent together in his early years.

      If you're not comfortable with co-sleeping, have you considered an arms reach **********? It straps to the sid of your bed so that baby's right there when you need him, but safely in his own bed, so that no one has to wake up to go get him.

      Comment


      • #4
        what i did was i started taking a sippy cup of milk in the bedroom with me (once he started sleeping in his own room around 12-13 months) and offering it to him when we read his stories at night and when i went in to get him in the morning. sometimes he would take it and other times he preferred the breast, but within like a week he started always taking it. i just always acted like it was no big deal. i walked right in and gave it to him while we rocked and if he didnt want it i didnt say anything about it. no power struggle. once i started doing that he started sleeping through the night and he had NEVER slept through a single night before. if you dont think he can go without milk all night take the cup or bottle in for his 11 feeding and see if he takes it. just dont make a big deal of whether or not he takes it right away and it probably wont be a big deal to him.
        my son now sleeps from 730-730 and he is super happy and very well rested. good luck!

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        • #5
          Thanks for the replies. Yes we have been cosleeping all night up until maybe a month or so ago. Then we started putting him in his cot for the first part of the night and whenever he woke up for his next feed I'd bring him into bed with us. Cosleeping worked for us until he started crawling then he became the biggest wriggle-fidget bottom and kept waking us up, and I'm sure we were waking him up (despite the king size bed!). He also started feeding much more, taking little bits at a time. I managed side lying but would still always wake up and have a dead arm...so not ideal. I would still love to cosleep but I know that my hubby is not so keen any more and it has to be a family decision - I do think wriggle bottom sleeps longer in his own cot, but yes a mattress in our room might work too. I love him being in bed for the early morning still anyway.

          I had a look at that Dr Jay Gordon post and it's good. I think I've been struggling with the whole anger thing and LO being cross at me. I hate it I really do and have always responded promptly to his cries, which is why it is hard when he wants boob in the night to not give it to him.

          Comment


          • #6
            our son slept in our bed when he was tiny, then in a crib in our room until a little over a year. after we moved him in his own room i realized i really do think we were waking him up at night. my husband turns a lot and breaths loud and stuff and he really loves his room and his crib. he asks to go night night. he is impossible to sleep with at this point. recently we brought him in because he was sick and he didnt really like it and we couldnt sleep at all. we ended up putting him back at 2am. lol

            Comment


            • #7
              My daughter was a little bit older, about 15 months, but we had a similar problem. Until then, we had all been happily co-sleeping, but she turned into such a wiggle monster, none of us slept and she started nursing almost every hour again. . .it did not make for very happy parents.

              We ended up moving her into her own bed, although still in our room. This helped cut down on her night nursing since I (and my breasts) wasn't right there, but she usually settled down easily since we were still close and she could see us when she woke up. At the same time, we started telling her that mommy's "ta-tas" were also going to sleep at bed time. We reminded her at bedtime while I nursed her and we talked about who went to sleep at night during the day (mommy, daddy, Lily, the dogs, mommy's ta-tas.....).

              I was still rather lenient at night in the first few weeks. Moving her out of our bed cut down on requests dramatically and when she did ask, I reminded her that my ta-tas had already gone to sleep. If she insisted (which she did sometimes, especially in the first week or two), we offered her water and if she still insisted, I let her nurse back to sleep. Over about a month, the frequency of her requests decreased until night nursing was a rare occurrence. We tried to ease into the transition and kept tears to the minimum, although there were nights when she cried. For the most part, though, it was pretty drama free.

              Good luck!!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by koru25 View Post
                Hi, hoping for some advice.
                I reached frustration break point at 13 months, with DS in bed and none of us sleeping properly as he became quite a wriggler and was constantly nursing. He's fine in cot in own room, wakes for 11pm feed which I'm still getting up for and DH has been rocking/cuddling him back to sleep the rest of the night, and bringing him through at 5.30ish to me and we nurse and go back to sleep together.
                We've been doing this fo nearly 2 weeks now but he is still waking quite a bit. I feel at stale mate. I don't want to carry on doing something that's clearly not working, but i can't go back to the constant feeding at night, I was turning into a daytime dragon...
                I just dont know if I am confusing him by giving him a feed at 11 when he wakes, then not the rest of the night when he wakes, and am thinking perhaps DH to just resettle him for all night feeds. Has anyone else tried this? It seems a bit much for him to go from 7-5.30/6ish without a feed and I might die of guilt trying to do this.
                I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place as I want to honour his nightime needs but I just CAN'T do it the way he needs/wants it without losing the plot. I just need some more sleep and so does DH who is being a darling. I just wish I had the stamina/ability to go on night feeding til he self-weaned, that was my aim right from the start.
                Another idea I had was that perhaps since they are my breasts 'I' should be resettling him and not feeding him. I just am not sure if I am able to do that - when he wakes it's automatic for me to give him boobie.

                How do they manage in the Yequena tribe?! I guess you just do when you have no options, only one bed etc! Like my DH points out to me 'but we're not in the Yequena tribe!'
                At this age he should be sleeping from the 11p feeding until around 6am or so. Babies do have sleep wake cycles that they go through during the night and they can actually wake up and self soothe and go back to sleep without another feeding. They do like to suck...it is soothing but they are not necessarily hungry...so maybe he needs to have you just check on him and then let him soothe himself...a pacifier if he will use one might help or a lovey little blanket or transitional object might give him a good feeling. Dr. Weisbluth's book on baby sleep is helpful as is Dr. Harvey Karp's book "The Happiest Baby on the Block".
                As a clinical social worker and maternal child nurse, I am very much in favor of attachment parenting, these sleep issues can get very trying for both parent and baby. Balance is the key as well as some consistency so that baby can establish some good habits that will help him as he grows and becomes more independent. I in no way suggest letting him cry it out, simply letting him know you are there but for soothing not feeding could be the key.

                Comment


                • #9
                  We did a modified version of Dr. Jay Gordon's nightweaning suggestions when DD1was about a year old. Having boundaries is perfectly AP, especially when it comes to preserving your nursing relationship. And it is still respectful of your child, especially when done gently. If you want more details, just ask.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Loralz View Post
                    We did a modified version of Dr. Jay Gordon's nightweaning suggestions when DD1was about a year old. Having boundaries is perfectly AP, especially when it comes to preserving your nursing relationship. And it is still respectful of your child, especially when done gently. If you want more details, just ask.
                    Hi, yes, more details please!
                    After reading Dr Jay's I have started the past 2 nights resettling him after 11pm feed (with big high neck jumper on to stop those little boobie finding hands!). I woke him to feed him at 10.30 the first night as I was ready for bed (this was hard as usually I work on the premise 'never wake a sleeping baby'. He woke again at 2am, I cuddled, he cried, I put him back in cot awake, he cried, I could'nt bear it, but talked to him and said 'no boobies' repeatedly and lovingly. Brought him into futon on floor with me and he eventually went back to sleep. Last night I fell asleep by mistake so woke him at 12am for a feed. He woke again at 4.30am for a feed, I cuddled and brought him into futon with me and he went back to sleep quite quickly, he'd stop crying each time I said 'no boobies' - he definitely is starting to get the idea. I feel better that I am doing this than hubby as it feels more 'right'.

                    We go away next week for holiday, so i'm a bit worried about how that will affect all of this, esp since staying with our friends!

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