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Need help. Husband wants to sleep train!

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  • Need help. Husband wants to sleep train!

    Just to start I will say that my husband is usually very supportive of how I feel our kids should be raised (AP and all), even though he does not agree with some or a lot of it. But he says that as long as it is working, fine.
    I have a 2y5mo toddler, and a 6mo baby.
    She has had rough paths of sleep before but for the last 6 months things are REALLY bad. not only bad, they are getting worse almost daily.
    BEFORE: As long as one of us laid down with her in bed, and stayed there until she fell asleep, she'd nap. She would have lunch, read a book or two, have a bottle of milk, and lay down with one of us. And sleep for up to 2 or 3hs in the afternoon. Then about 8:00 we would do bedtime routine and have her sleep in her own bed or in bed with us and she would go till about 5 or 6am. Very rarelly she'd wake in the middle of the night, we would give her a bottle of milk and have her fall sleep right after (with one of us in bed with her).

    Nowadays this no longer happens. She rarelly naps. As in once every 10 days. We try daily, same routine. She keeps trying to run away from bedroom and room, or jumping in bed, or singing, or even yelling and trying to hit/kick her way out of the room. She will NOT nap. And she needs. About 3 or 4 we see the results. she is kicking, crying, hitting, missbehaving. Then, at 8 she is in high gear and refuses to sleep. Hours to get her down. And then she is waking up at about 3 in the morning (always about 3) and will not go back until 5:30 or 6. HOURS of her awake and keeping us AND the baby awake. She feels restless. SHe is clearly tired. She yawns, she tries, tosses about, jumps on top of us, tries to lay on us, have us hold her in different ways... etc. And she cries, whines... etc. This happens every other night. The night after the bad one, she will sleep through (not nap, but sleep tthrough the night), the next we know she will be up at 3.

    We have tried putting her to sleep at about 4 or 5 (when she starts to get tired/grump), and she will wake up about 10, ready to be up for good. We have tried giving an early dinner and putting down at 5 or 6 (not good either). We have tried changing routine, more exercises, white noise (always). We have tried her own room, her room, our bed, and mattress in the floor. nothing. We have tried tv and no tv at all. no sugar, etc. we have even tried some infusion (chinese).

    We are exhausted. Everyone we talk to (from daycare to pediatrician, to specialists, to friends) are telling us to do cry it out. Every sleepless night my husband forces the issue again and even though i am against it, and have showed the studies telling it is bad, he feels that it is not as bad as what this situation is doing to the family. Her behavior is poor most of the time and i feel it is due to sleep.

    I asked my husnand to give me 2 more weeks to try to fix it but have no idea what to do. I have to figure out how to fix nap AND night time.

    Plus i dont know what to do with day last night she kept us (and baby) up from 3am till 6:45 (when she finally passed out). it is 9 and she is sleeping. i usually wake her up, because otherwise she wont be tired to nap, etc...but not sure. should i let her sleep it out?like... till noon?

    Please i can use ideas

  • #2
    This sounds a lot like the situation I had with my DS at around that age. He was actually never a good sleeper/napper, but when he started to refuse to nap at all, things were a lot like you described with your daughter. Basically what we did was kind of wait it out. If he was clearly in meltdown mode, we would take him for a drive or a walk in the stroller mid-day to get him to have a little nap/rest, which would usually get him through until bedtime. I found that the best bedtime for him was to start bedtime routine around 6:30, with the goal of having him asleep by 7ish. I have always laid down with him for him to go to sleep. He would still get up in the night, he even had night terrors for a while during this time, which were very difficult.

    Although it was a really tough transition time for him at that age (and for my DH and I), after a few months things got a lot better; I think he just needed to get over that initial transition of napping to not napping. He has slept through the night (most nights) on his own since he was about 3, and I still lay down with him for bedtime, and have never sleep trained him. The decision to sleep train or not is up to you, but I wonder how effective it might be for a 2.5 year old who seems like she is starting to assert some independence; it may end up backfiring and making things even worse.