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dealing with enormous guilt over breastfeeding

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  • #16
    Not a problem! You look after yourself, I know that its hard when you had your heart set on something and it all worked out in your mind but it doesn't work out in reality. So frustrating and so easy to beat yourself up. The trick is to find what works from here... The milk sharing idea sounds great! And if that doesnt work its not like formula is poison... perhaps not the original idea but not the end of the world either. She will grow healthy and strong and happy for having a Mum who cares about her so much, she is a lucky girl. Dont let the milk situation color this time that you have with her, they grow so fast, five years from now you dont want to be looking back on her first years with sadness. I know its easier said then done but you need to do whatever it takes to move through this and remember that their is nothing that you can do about it now and there are many other great bonding things that you can do with your daughter.

    Good luck to you and your family! Motherhood is great! ENJOY IT!

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    • #17
      Have you considered taking Goats Rue. It helps women who have had breast surgery, infertility or who have adopted to produce more milk than just the recommended supplements.
      It also rebuilds the breast tissue, so if you have scarring it can help build around it and soften it.
      Any breast milk is better than none and loving your baby and holding her while you are feeding her whether it be breast milk or a bottle of formula is the most important thing. Don't beat yourself up over it, but saying that I know it does not ease your pain. I suffer infertility and I was in a support group of over 500 women at one point and only four or five of us were ever able to breastfeed.
      Mumtone is right. This is just a short period in your little ones life.

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      • #18
        thank you everyone.

        i know it is such a short period in my baby's life and it already hurts that i have not been able to enjoy, well, almost any of it.

        i sometimes wonder if i worry too much?

        her weight gain has been called slow at times, by her doc and LC. however, if i chart it all on the growth charts for breastfed baby girls, then she was born on and has stayed on the 25th percentile. that means all is well, doesnt it? or is a baby expected to rise up to the next percentile?

        i would be able to relax so much more if she nursed better. i never barely ever feel like we get a good feed. mostly i feel she nurses during the letdown (30 sec to 1 min) and then not much else afterwards.

        i would die of guilt if i thought my milk supply was limiting her in any way...but she is doing fine with milestones last time i checked and is generally a very happy baby. would she be happy if she was lacking in milk?

        anyone have any ideas on this?

        thank you

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        • #19
          This is where I am thankful that my girls were born in at a time when we didn't have the milestone charts. When they started with Ronnie, he was always under 10 and never seemed to be where he should be then I started taking him to my primary care, as an small baby where they don't bother with the charts.

          The best advice I got from parents in my local group and from our primary was to stop and look at my child. Is my child healthy? Is my child happy? Does your child look proportionate?
          Then they reminded me to look at everyone in the room. Do we all look alike? Do we all eat the same things? Do we all have the same activities? Probably not so why then would each child be able to fit into that area?

          You worry about as much as the rest of us. I have been doing this a long time and still haven't figured out how to make myself stop hitting the panic button.
          If you have multiple children you will start to see that each of them will be different.

          Each person has their own body make up that they are born with. My first born was very very small and stayed that way. She never reached 5 feet in height. My second born was huge, fat like OMG what the heck are you feeding that poor baby, and with all three of my children the first year was breast milk only. Ronnie is in between them. I got to panic in all three directions.

          You can check my sons blog, he is almost three and I am sure if I went back to the original pediatrician they would probably comment that his weight is lighter on the scale based for the averages in the US, to which then I would say ... Oh thank goodness! Being daddy and mommy and most of the population are overweight this may not be a bad thing, and he is perfectly healthy and proportionate and very happy.

          I have very low milk supply, so I just nurse constantly, even now. I also don't have much of a let down. Hardly ever, but the few times I did, he ate and was done. It just came out that fast for him.

          You might want to check with other LC's and groups and get an idea of what each one thinks as everyone will look at it differently.

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