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Nusing and weaning and needing sleep

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  • Nusing and weaning and needing sleep

    My 2.5 year old daughter and I have been enjoying nursing very much. I went back to work 2 days a week when she was 3 months old and she was never a fan of the bottle. My daughter has a very strong personality and knows what she wants and has a way of getting it. When we are together she nurses often, sometimes every hour or two. not so much in the night (which is another question I have for later. She still wakes a few times in the night.)
    I am 8 weeks pregnant and am so thankful for our new blessing. my husband has been so so supportive about breastfeeding and has never ever asked me to wean our daughter, until now. he would, I am sure, be fine if I was not ready, however he thought it would be a good idea before the new baby arrives. I have been thinking it over and talking to my little one about when she wants to stop nursing. ( I suggested to nurse in the am and pm only and she told me "no mommy I love it") OH melt my heart!
    today I started feeling like I should wean over the next month, gently. I honestly do not know how to do this. when ever my daughter wants to nurse even if it was an hour ago, she will cry and carry on until we nurse.
    I also wonder if she will become a better sleeper if she is not nursing anymore.
    when she was an infant she was in a co-sleeping bassinet next to our bed and most nights came into our bed (which we love, but on the other hand want her in her bed). She stayed in our room until 7 months. she never slept though the night until almost 2. she went from about 7:30 and woke about 5. now it is hit or miss. some nights she wakes many times. and when she wakes between 4 - 5am I bring her in our bed and she will sleep until 6-7. We try not to let her cry, some nights we will let her cry for 5-10 min and then go in and settle her down. this is probably not accepted by attachment parenting but sometimes we do not know what else to do.
    as you can see we need some advise, please help.
    Thank You
    Last edited by melissa_h; 03-06-2009, 07:42 PM. Reason: Edited to remove trademarked term

  • #2
    it's great that your daughter can now express herself! clearly, she doesn't want to wean just yet. and at this age, the more you try to force the issue, the harder she'll cling to nursing.

    what is the most important thing for you right now? is it to get your dd to sleep through the night again? is it for everyone to sleep more soundly? if it is the former, you could try the "extinction" technique. it goes something like this: tell her that when she wakes up and goes to your bed, you will bring her back to her bed to sleep there. every time she wakes up, don't talk to her or make eye contact. take her hand and bring her back to her bed. tuck her into bed and stay with her until she falls back to sleep. do this every single time she wakes up and goes to you.

    as you can tell, you will lose sleep for several nights while this process is going on. you might have to do this 10 times or more the first few nights. and usually, it will get worse before it gets better.

    however, if your goal right now is for everybody to sleep, then the solution might be to just let your daughter sleep beside you, or in your room.

    have you tried looking into elizabeth pantley's no-cry sleep solution? i love the one for babies and i understand she wrote another one for toddlers. will chech that out myself.

    keep us posted!


    • #3
      Is the main motivation for weaning ---your pregnancy or your husband? What are his reasons? Do you agree?
      I need more info!
      however he thought it would be a good idea before the new baby arrives
      . Why?
      Her sleep schedule is very common for a child her age weather nursing or not.
      I hear -in your writing voice- the trepidations you feel regarding this big change between your daughter and you. I feel that neither of you are ready to change your relationship so quickly. Why force the heartache?


      • #4
        Thank you both for your response

        A lot has changed since I last posted. We decided to move our daughter into a toddler bed. It has been better for all of us in terms of less crying. She will get out of bed and call to us and one of us will go either put her back to bed or bring her in with us. She wakes often with us or in her bed.
        She had not nursed in the night for quite awhile but now she wants to and if she is in with us, I tell her that "Gook" is resting for the night. she will kick and cry and carry on, then she wants to hold them to fall asleep. I let her for awhile but then get an irritating feeling and when I try to remove her hands hoping she is asleep the temper starts back up again. I feel sore and sensitive to touch. I get the sensation to say "just leave them alone" I know that sounds crazy.
        I am so sad to say I had a miscarriage I am not sure if this is the reason for the sensitive feelings in my breasts? My husband and I are talking over our options on how to finalize our loss. once we decide on this and we are ready to move on and try again, I am scared because I remember how very sensitive nursing was at first and part of me wonders, did the baby loose out on nutrition? I know many women are pregnant and nurse however I do wonder.
        My husband is ready for us to wean because he hears me complaining, mostly at night about my soreness and the frequency of the nursing request. sometimes I just wish I could get over it and deal with the amount of nursing my little love bug wants to nurse. I also go back and forth about weaning depending on the day and what others say. (When I was pregnant I heard Oh it will take away from the new baby, ext...)
        I have been feeling ready to nurse when realizing that she is 2.5 and we have had an amazing experience and at this point I do not want it to end on a bad note because I am complaining and she is so persistent in doing it all the time.
        I have read the book no sleep cry solution over a year ago and thought the chart seemed like something I would not stick with. (lame I know)
        I know so many people that their toddlers sleep 12 hrs a night and nap 2-3 hrs. (I am lucky if mine naps 1 hr.)
        I realize this is long, I tried to answer your questions and also ask a few more.
        Thanks for your help and I look forward to hearing more advise.


        • #5
          Hello lovebug,
          Thanks for filling us in on things. I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Please don't blame yourself or your nursing relationship. There is no reason to believe they are related. You do seem stressed by the nursing, how it is now and I believe you do need a change. When possible a gradual change is better for young children I think. You also must think what is best for you too. What parts of your nursing relationship do you enjoy? Maybe you could keep those and lose the night time ones. Your techniques is good about the sleeping bobbies, just keep it up, be consistent and loving. Change the situation to suit you both better.
          Here is a link at on night weaning.
          I am sure your daughter is feeling the stress in the family also. She wants the safety and familiarity of you. You need space and calm. Try to think of a way to have both.
          Keep us updated! I am night weaning my 11mo old now... V E R Y slowly but he still wakes up at 3am for a quick nip and then if I nurse him at 6am he will sleep again for another hour or two...If I don't he is awake for the day!
          I am thinking of you!