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2 yr old shows no signs of weaning.....

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  • 2 yr old shows no signs of weaning.....

    I have a wonderful DS who will be 2 next week. We have co-slept and BF since birth. I have enjoyed BF him very much, but lately (last 4-5 mths) I have really been feeling a personal need to stop. Since my periods have returned, BF has become increasingly uncomfortable for me, and I often find myself dreading when he asks to nurse. This is especially true when he wakes in the night (anywhere from 3-6 times!) and will take nothing else but "mummy milk" to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, my milk supply has decreased, and the milk usually runs out long before he is done nursing, which means he is pacifying on me for anywhere from 30 mins-an hour in the wee hours of the morning. If I try to detach him, he kicks, screams, and cries until I give him back the "milks". Though I am not proud of it, I have become VERY frustrated with him, and have lost my temper, which usually results in me crying myself to sleep as he lays there and nurses.

    I have tried to night wean him using the Jay Gordon technique, various "no-cry sleep" techniques, just cutting him off, using music as cues, giving milk in a cup, snacks (really great fun to make a snack at 3 am), giving him to my husband....and nothing has worked. After 2-3 hours of screaming, followed by usually a mere 1-2 hours of sleep before he wakes up screaming for milk again, I just figure that it's easier to just let him nurse; at least then I can be back to sleep within a reasonable time frame, and there is no crying. I don't know what to do. I don't like feeling angry with my son, and I know he senses this and it upsets him, which kills me with guilt. I want so badly to respond in a way that meets his needs, but I really don't know how much longer I can take this. I have been waiting and waiting for the self weaning to come, but he shows NO interest in giving up BF. None. Even during the day, I am sure that he would nurse all day if I let him (he still nurses between 3-4 times during the day). I sometimes find myself wishing that I had never breastfed him, which is so sad because I have always been such a huge proponent of BF and it has been such a great BF relationship before this point. It is starting to affect my relationship with my husband as well, as he thinks that DS is getting too old to BF, and that I should just say no to him and be done with it. I should note that any time I have tried this, it has resulted in tantrums and tears for both DS and I.

    Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do? I really feel alone, as no one else I know has BF their child this long, and even the mums at a LLL meeting I attended couldn't believe that he still woke up to BF as much as he did. Sorry for the long post, and I appreciate any replies.

    Thanks.

  • #2
    Hi Mama, I have been in a very similar situation but my daughter was 3 and I was uncomfortable because of pregnancy and then disliking tandem nursing.

    I actually felt inspired to write and share my weaning story last night, and I will do so in the future. But, to summarize, the reason I continued nursing when I didn't want to was because I was confused. I had read about child-led weaning, and believed she would wean on her own when the time was right. The problem was this didn't take into account my feelings or the instincts that arose when I had my baby. My daughter just responded to my confusion. Once I reached clarity on the fact that I did not want to nurse her anymore, weaning was easy. Once I reached clarity, and shared this with my daughter in an authentic and vulnerable way, my daughter was quite fine to wean, whereas she had resisted my earlier attempts.

    My practical advice is to look within yourself at the reasons why you do NOT want to wean. What are you afraid of? Would that really be worse than you being angry and sad and your son feeling this resentment?

    Wishing you much peace, and that you can act from a space of love rather than fear,
    Adrienne

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi,

      just wanted to say i have very similar problems with my son..

      he feeds to sleep and wakes many times in the night,always needing me to feed him back to sleep again.

      i also have had a few melt downs over this and have lost my temper.

      please forgive yourself for this, as it is so understandable.

      a while ago i had some very good counselling from a pregnancy and parents centre therapist,

      she helped me to see that anger is just natures way of saying that your needs are not being met, and then it is up to you and others around you to try to get those needs met and reduce the anger..

      is there any way you can get some regular rest to catch up on your sleep, and also time to yourself?

      i know with my son, who is now 2 and a half, i have only recently felt like i have enough time out, and i still do loose it occaisionally.

      luckily he does not seem to be too peturbed by my outbursts, but i feel so bad after it happens.

      he has recently begun feeding a LOT less in the day, sometimes not at all and i remember at 2 he was almost like a newborn again...

      at night it is still the same though, and sometimes i dont feed him and he will cry and say milk and i keep saying in the morning and eventually he goes to sleep or i give in and feed him thinking oh dear hows that for consistancy!

      sometimes when you are sleep deprived you are too tired to even try and implement a sleep technique ...

      i read a good book recently by la leche league called mothering your nursing toddler, and it had a lot of useful info, plus SUPPORT andthe idea that it is totally normal to feed a toddler.

      i hope you have a good support network anyway,

      sorry i have no magic answers, but believe me you are not alone, and EVERYONE loses their temper with their children every now and then over something,
      they are just unlikely to admit it in public ; )

      xxxwishing you a good sleep this eve,

      it does get easier i think , they are not this small for long.

      Comment


      • #4
        also, i have recently found a way in the day time of dealing with my angry mummy coming out... i just turn it into a big tiger roaring and pretwend to eat my toddler when he makes me feel crazy!
        it makes him laugh and gets my aggression out , then because he is laughing i come out smiling too..

        i think it is a problem that is probably more common than you imagine, feeling angry with these small people and not knowing where to put all that anger...
        Last edited by lizziebee; 02-11-2011, 05:07 PM.

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi,

          just wanted to say i have very similar problems with my son..

          he feeds to sleep and wakes many times in the night,always needing me to feed him back to sleep again.

          i also have had a few melt downs over this and have lost my temper.

          please forgive yourself for this, as it is so understandable.

          a while ago i had some very good counselling from a pregnancy and parents centre therapist,

          she helped me to see that anger is just natures way of saying that your needs are not being met, and then it is up to you and others around you to try to get those needs met and reduce the anger..

          is there any way you can get some regular rest to catch up on your sleep, and also time to yourself?

          i know with my son, who is now 2 and a half, i have only recently felt like i have enough time out, and i still do loose it occaisionally.

          luckily he does not seem to be too peturbed by my outbursts, but i feel so bad after it happens.

          he has recently begun feeding a LOT less in the day, sometimes not at all and i remember at 2 he was almost like a newborn again...

          at night it is still the same though, and sometimes i dont feed him and he will cry and say milk and i keep saying in the morning and eventually he goes to sleep or i give in and feed him thinking oh dear hows that for consistancy!

          sometimes when you are sleep deprived you are too tired to even try and implement a sleep technique ...

          i read a good book recently by la leche league called mothering your nursing toddler, and it had a lot of useful info, plus SUPPORT andthe idea that it is totally normal to feed a toddler.

          i hope you have a good support network anyway,

          sorry i have no magic answers, but believe me you are not alone, and EVERYONE loses their temper with their children every now and then over something,
          they are just unlikely to admit it in public ; )

          xxxwishing you a good sleep this eve,

          it does get easier i think , they are not this small for long.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank you so much for your replies. It was great to hear words of encouragement, and also to know that I am not alone in my feelings and frustration.


            Originally posted by AwakenedMama View Post
            My practical advice is to look within yourself at the reasons why you do NOT want to wean. What are you afraid of? Would that really be worse than you being angry and sad and your son feeling this resentment?
            This is such a great question. I guess what I am afraid of is my DS feeling rejected by me if stop nursing him. This goes back to something else you mentioned in your post about reading about child-led weaning. I remember reading that forcing a child to wean can lead to feelings of rejection. I think I also worry about losing my attached relationship with my son, which has been based on BF for so long. I worry that he will no longer want to co-sleep, which is something I cherish, and I guess I am afraid that if he's not nursing, he won't need me as much anymore (how silly does that sound!).

            With that said, I feel that it is time to wean. I would love to hear your weaning story sometime, and get some tips!

            Thanks again.

            Comment


            • #7
              So glad the question was helpful

              Yes, I felt like I was rejecting my daughter, too. But I was actually rejecting her more by nursing when I didn't want to and then being upset about it and wanting her to stop. Once we weaned, with me just telling her openly and honestly why I wanted to stop, how important nursing her has been to me (and shedding some tears in the process), she was fine. She asked to nurse only twice after that conversation. She still cosleeps with me, cuddles right up, and likes to "hold my milk".

              The other day, she woke up and got right out of bed, and I told her later that it surprised me, that I thought she would come lay by me. She said, "You thought I wanted to hold your milk, didn't you?"

              Weaning has been VERY GOOD for our relationship.

              Comment

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