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Confidence shaken at the Doctor today

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  • Confidence shaken at the Doctor today

    Hey everyone! I just need an ear & maybe some advice.

    My daughter & I had a rough start with breastfeeding. She wasn't latching on at the beginning & after trying & struggling & lots of crying on both parts, I went to a LC when she was 1 week old. The LC said my nipples were too big & were flat & her mouth was too teeny & she had borderline jaundice (not quite high enough to be jaundice, but high enough to be concerned) so was sleepy & a "lazy nurser." She was 7 lbs 4 oz. when born. After a week she was down to 6 lbs 11 oz & they were worried so the LC gave me a nipple shield & a nursing supplementer. I used the supplementer for the next week giving her milk I pumped. I also pumped & pumped to try & increase my supply & got to a point where I was getting 4-6 oz every 2-3 hours.

    At her 2 week appt, which was actually @ 16 days she weighed 7 lbs 3 oz, so we were happy & I weaned her off the supplementer (but not quite yet weaned her off the nipple shield, but progress is being made with that).

    I know this all sounds like a good success story so far, but what was also happening throughout all this is anxiety & guilt & me blaming myself for not being able to feed her properly & many many tears & frustration & problems w/ me being confident in my body & breasts.

    Well, some of that has been alleviated recently. Just this last week or so I have FINALLY started feeling more confident in myself as a mother. The breastfeeding seems like it has been going well & I've been feeling like she's getting enough. Something just clicked & I feel like our rhythms are in sync & I have a better idea what's going on when she's crying or fussing & can help her better & she seems happier. We've figured out the sling & it's been a lifesaver for both of us.

    So, today, we went to her 2 month appointment (she's actually 1 day away from 9 weeks). She is 8 lbs 4 oz. She's only gained 17 oz in basically 6 weeks (less than 3 oz. per week). I was so hoping she had gained more. It felt like a blow when I saw the numbers on the scale. It completely shook my tenuous confidence all over again. The doctor didn't seem too concerned, but did say she needs to gain more than she is. He said maybe I could pump or do things to increase my supply & bring her in for weight checks if I want. He was also happy to hear that things have gotten better this last week & said hopefully that does it.

    Now I know logically that things are probably fine & she is a happy baby. She just started smiling a couple weeks ago & it makes my heart hurt w/ happiness at how cute she is. She has lots of times throughout the day where she is just exploring the world w/ her eyes & she & I will spend an hour just gazing @ each other & interacting. But, one reading from the scale can make me obsess all over again, bleah.

    I guess what I mostly want is to not feel alone & to know others have had issues like this. I am drinking Mother's Molk tea & will start feeding her on both breasts starting today. Any other advice or words of encouragement for a down-in-the-dumps Mom?

  • #2
    Hi mama-
    Just wanted to offer some hugs hang in there you're doing great


    • #3
      Hugs to you Bikil, I know first-hand how stressful weight checks, etc are and it really does drag you down as a momma. Do you have friends and family around to offer support? What about an API group in your area? I know that when I turned outside for support, my attitude got better and I was more relaxed about things.

      I nursed my daughter on demand but after her losing weight I called an LC who said perhaps my daughter wasn't demanding enough so to go ahead and initiate feeding on my end. In hindsight I've learned why she wasn't demanding (sensory integration issues, she still to this day doesn't feel either hungry or full).

      Again, hugs to you momma!


      • #4
        i don't have personal experience w/this, but wanted to offer you a big.

        i was wondering how often she was nursing at nite? if she's somewhat lethargic (from the jaundice) you may need to wake her at night. your nighttime milk has a high fat content, which can help w/the weight issue.

        keep us posted!


        • #5
          You're doing great Mama!

          Hi Bikil,
          I have two boys and remember how those first few months of parenting a newbie are. Big hugs to you right now!

          I used to be a doula and saw a couple of my mamas really struggle with nursing and weight gain in their wee ones. I witnesses tears of frustration, sadness, anger, etc. because they simply wanted to do what they personally felt was the best for their babies. I'm happy to say that both they and their babies were able to catch on, work with each others bodies and thrive in their nursing relationship. You will too I just bet!

          One thing to remember is that a baby will not be happy if she's starving. If your baby has a lot of wet diapers, is happy and seems great on all other accounts, she's probably doing really well. Some babies are those kinds that are big, chubby babes and others are petite, lean babes. You may find that yours is one of the latter.

          If you doctor is pleased that she's gained weight and you have just now become comfy with removing the supplement then I say you could start feeding her on both breasts, keep taking your tea, pumping if you feel that you need to and weigh her each month (or whatever you feel would help you feel better) and see how she does. I also think that Melissa H's idea of offering more often might help. That way you know you are doing everything you possibly can to ensure she's eating enough.

          Another thing that can be very helpful to new nursing mamas is to find a local La Leche League group. The mamas there are very helpful and supportive. Combine that with a local API group (if there is one in your area) and you will have a wonderful group of women to share your concerns and offer support to you and your little one.

          You are doing a great job and I'm so glad to hear that it sounds like you have a supportive doctor. Please keep us posted on how your little one is doing. It sounds like you are doing a great job!!


          • #6
            Thank you so much everyone! You've all helped me feel so much better. Luckily, my family & friends are also incredibly supportive, not to mention my amazing husband who helps so much & makes me feel like I really am a good Mom! I don't have a local AP group here, but I am a member of my local LLL group, they are very supportive as well.

            I'm just realizing that she IS happy most of the time and she IS peeing 6-7 wet diapers a day (we only have 10 newborn cd & it seems like we are washing them almost everyday!) and she IS getting bigger and while there are some things I can do, she may well just be a small efficient baby, and that's okay!!!

            Thank you again for all your support. I LOVE these fora and am soooooo glad I found them!!


            • #7
              Sorry I am late here...
              has the breastfed charts and more on breastfeeding babies and weight gain.
              You got great advice here and you are really aware of what is going on with your baby.


              • #8
                awesome job! Im a first time mom in the same boat and I think you
                and your baby are in good sync. One thing that worked for me is to
                offer the breast as often as possible when baby is alert. It might be
                sad to pop a breast in his or her mouth when theyre cooing so cutely,
                but it might be just the right time to try.

                Also abt the night time milk, if you cant get baby to wake enough
                to eat the night time milk, pump as much as you can while he or she is sleeping, i swear it looks like cream!

                Take care!


                • #9
                  My first boy didn't nurse the first two weeks, but I pumped and we fed him through a supplementer. It was tough but I am so glad I stuck with it. I am happy you have support and hope you will relax those internal nay-saying thoughts! You have yummy growing milk for your daughter! Keep on Keeping on!


                  • #10
                    It's funny this post came back into my radar today because next week we go in for her 4 month checkup & I think the results will be much different!

                    We've done the "get on the scale, then get on the scale with the baby" thing and from what we can tell she's over 11 pounds. That's about 3 pounds in 2 months! Her legs are all chubby & dimpled & she looks really good.

                    Even if the doctor still thinks she's under, I know in my heart she's fine & now have the confidence to talk about it instead of just standing there shocked (& sleep deprived, I was more sleep deprived 2 months ago, heh).

                    I can't believe the difference in my confidence now and my confidence just 2 months ago. We are so much in sync now that I wake up right before she does when she wants to nurse in the night! I love the feeling of being in sync with her. It feels so good! And my husband is getting more and more connected all the time! It's so wonderful for both of us! I almost can't wait to see the doctor this time, hee!


                    • #11
                      Can you buy a baby scale? My son was a non-gainer to the doctors, but in actual fact he had regular steady gain, never as much as they wanted but he was happy and healthy and growing in length and ended up with a huge head, had to be from milk huh?

                      We did our own weights in the morning, after the good old morning poo and before too many feeds, this was far more accurate.

                      3oz isn't that bad a week, it's not the highest or the lowest. As long as baby is growing in other depts, meeting milestones I'd be a happy mama and not worry


                      • #12
                        Maybe you misread PoshMama but she's gained 3 POUNDS in 2 months. That's 16 oz per pound (doing math outloud here) so that's 48 oz. divide by 8 weeks in 2 months and you get that she's gaining 6 oz per week! Almost an ounce a day!

                        The biggest reason she wasn't gaining in the first 2 months, I think, is because we had to use a nipple shield and she wasn't getting enough that way. Once we were able to stop using the shield, her eating improved immensely! When we were using the shield, we would get to the point of a swallow with every suck after about 15 minutes or so of sucking. Now, she gets to that point in about 30 seconds to one minute. It's so gratifying to hear her swallowing with every suck on every feed! She also would eat every hour to hour and a half and now she goes 3-4 hours between feeds and often she only eats for about 10-20 minutes instead of for an hour. So many great changes!

                        Thanks to everyone for all your support! I am always battling the voices in my head that get at my confidence, but it gets easier and easier every day!


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Bikil View Post
                          Maybe you misread PoshMama but she's gained 3 POUNDS in 2 months. That's 16 oz per pound (doing math outloud here) so that's 48 oz. divide by 8 weeks in 2 months and you get that she's gaining 6 oz per week! Almost an ounce a day!
                          Sorry I was going off your first posts, not what you had for your later post today


                          • #14
                            That's cool, just wanted to make sure you knew it was much higher now! Sorry to keep emphasizing it, I'm just so happy about it, and so proud that I can look at my chubby little girl and know it all came from me! It's such a wonderful feeling!


                            • #15
                              Went to the doctor today & she is 12 lbs 4 oz!!! Woo hoo! She's really doing great!