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To socialize or not to socialize

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  • To socialize or not to socialize

    I just got back from a baby play group, and here's some thoughts that I hope I can get some comments on.

    As an AP parent... i felt out of place. I met 1 other AP parent in that play group and we ended up talking in one corner. Coz the other parents were talking about baby crying it out at night so that mommy can get enough sleep, weaning early so that mommy can have a life again, etc. We just don't have the heart to stay and listen to such sad stories.

    I also have other groups I attend... like LLL... which is much better fit for me. I enjoy LLL meets much more than the regular baby play group, coz I feel at home with my style of parenting.

    Now, if I con't to go to the regular meets... i'd be dragging my feet there. On the other hand, I also would like to parent by example. I hate it when people come up to me to give me parenting advice, so I assume the same for other people, therefore I don't give others any advice. I just do... and if they're interested, they can come chat with me. That's the way I work. That being said... the regular play group would be a perfect place to "show off" the AP ways... as an AP parent, I would like to see more of us out there... but i would have to make compromise by dragging myself to playgroup (I'd rather play and bond with my child at home, which makes no differnet to him whatsoever). Should I make that sacrifice? Should I drag myself to the regular playgroup to show off the AP ways?

    I admit that I didn't know about AP until my son was 1 month old. First time mom, knew nothing about parenting. Where did I start? --> instructional type baby books (bad start I know!!)... when things don't work out, I started to parent by intuition and mommy instinct. Only then, I got enough rest (co-sleep), and I started reading and finally I realized... hey! I'm an AP (if you want to put label on it)!! I was ignorant! i was lost! I wished I knew about LLL and AP back then, and I wish someone would tell me. I'm assuming there are many moms out there who are receptive of AP ways... just didn't know about it.

    If I do the selfish thing... I'd stop going to regular playgroup and attend only LLL. But, it doesn't feel right... coz that way I would live in a AP caccoon until the kid go to school... then we're back to square one.

    So what should I do? Should I socialize with non-AP parents? or should I be selfish and migle with only AP parents?

    Come throw in your 2 cents...

  • #2
    That general idea I resonate with particularly regarding breastfeeding in public because I think you should do it --OF COURSE---but not so discrete that no one ever realizes that it happens.

    I do question why you would go to a social club just to 'flaunt' your alternative ways---wink wink, I am just teasing..... but you are also showing you daughter THAT way of parenting an as she gets older you will have to put up with them attempting to time out you kid.. etc
    I spread the word by giving 'The Baby Book' to all expectant mommy's but I don't really think there is anyway to WIN more converts per say.
    Why do any of us gravitate towards others who share the same ideas? and avoid the mother-in-law that constantly criticises our decisions..but that's another issue entirely!


    • #3
      Socializing with parents who choose to parent differently than us is often difficult. I was tired of not knowing a lot of like-minded people and decided to begin the process of starting a local API group. I feel it is important to introduce our children to all types of people (within reason, of course) so they can learn to appreciate what they have. The people who are interested in other ways of parenting will take notice in the way you do things and will, if nothing esle, watch. When the parents are asking for advice on how to do something they are struggling with, you can always offer your AP solution If only everyone thought the way we do...wouldn't life be great!!!


      • #4
        i don't think anyone can answer this question for you, it really has a lot to do w/your personality, are you introverted or extraverted? can you tolerate different viewpoints? are you able to share w/out judgment? how passionate are you about this? etc, etc.

        for me, i was in the same boat for a while. i chose to participate w/moms who were very unlike me, simply to expose the concept of AP to them. i then found i needed A LOT of time w/my AP friends to offset the drain. then i found that i was becoming too drained (i'm an introvert!) life got too busy and i let all the unnecessary connections fail.

        but i do think that it's important that no matter what, we keep in mind that we all have the connection of being mammas and we ALL need support, no matter what path we choose.


        • #5

          Thanks for all your comments. I think you are all right!

          since I'm an introvert... quite an extreme case, and I don't usually like to initiate talks... and even if people commented on how I parent, I usually just not put up a fight... i've decided to hold off on attending regular play... instead, just get my support needs from the LLL group meet for now... and I can still do my part by wearing my baby when I run my errands in grocery stores, libraries, or even walking around the neighborhood. There's no need to stress myself out going to a playgroup that we both don't enjoy. Thanks for your support!!



          • #6
            I'm a very out going person but I've chosen to only be around people on a regular basis that parent the same way I do or at least pretty similar. For me it was just too draining to always defend the way I do things. Now if people ask then I can talk al about the GREAT joys of AP. I guess when I go to a play group I want to feel supported or at least like I'm not a freak so I don't go to ones that aren;t w/ like minded Moms. But you have to do what you feel most comfortable with. Maybe you & the other Mom you enjoyed could start getting together?


            • #7
              It is very uncomfortable to be in that situation and like others have already posted it really depends on you.
              Go where you feel the most comfortable.
              Your big heart and compassion for caring for children with AP can work in other ways amongst those that come to those meetings looking for support who maybe are not all the way on board with AP .
              Bring your support there amongst like minded parents


              • #8
                I'm feeling the same way! I'm having a hard time finding like-minded parents and then somehow always end up feeling either defensive or "holier than thou" when I'm around those who are all about CIO, strollers, doing everything the doctor says, and a bevvy of "stick the baby in with all the bells and whistles" toys.

                From what I can tell, there's no API group in my area


                • #9
                  Where are you located pegmom?


                  • #10
                    I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. From what I can tell (from this site at least) the only group in Canada is in Saskatachewan, one province (and a 7 hour drive! lol) over


                    • #11
                      i stand corrected... did a little more researcch and I think i might be in luck

                      **sorry for the thread hijack!**


                      • #12
                        do you mean to say you found one near you? i hope so!


                        • #13
                          not a formal api group, but i think i've found some things locally