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  • Taking toys?

    What do you do when your child takes another's toys? How do you handle it when they insist on their taking and become very angry?

  • #2
    We deal a lot with this too! Here's what has worked well for us so far-

    -If the other child is young and/or doesn't seem to notice or care that my child now has his/her toy, I will look to the parent and either receive an automatic "it's okay for him to play with it" or I will ask if it's okay and hand another toy to the other child. I've realized that sometimes my child taking a toy actually is no big deal to anyone but me, so I check out everyone's reactions before doing something else.
    -If the other child DOES mind or I think someone may hit someone soon (although admittedly, I haven't always managed to intervene in time), I distract my son with another exciting toy nearby. If it escalates quickly, I may pick my child up and take him to another area of the room to play--but, generally I try to avoid just picking him up quickly (afterall, I would hate someone doing that to me!). I think distraction is, by far, the best alternative in this situation.

    This has been one of our biggest issues yet, and so I planned lots of play dates. After each one, I evaluate what I did or didn't do and figure out what might have been another alternative. Then we get to try again in a few days.

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    • #3
      My DD hasn't really tried to take another toy directly from a child (at least, I don't think so) but she has shown objection to another child playing with something and I usually say to her, "You want to play w/ X? " and she says, "Yes" and I say "it is So-in-So's turn right now as soon as he is finished playing with it, it can be your turn"

      If we are at my house and it is one of her toys, I tell her that if she doesn't want to share a particular toy that it is alright , but that we need to put that toy away in another room because it is not fair to have toys out and not let our guests play with them. So far that has been enough of a distraction and she lets the other child play w/ the toy. Who knows...maybe she is to busy trying to process what I just said to notice that she's okay w/ the child playing w/ her toys again!

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      • #4
        i think this situation depends entirely on the age of the kiddos, but my ds2 tends to take toys. i try to intervene and catch it before it happens, but if i don't, i tell him, "that's brother's work. please give it back to him. when he's done, you may have a turn." and after doing this enough, he's actually started returning the item. i used to do this mostly for ds1's benefit, so he'd gain the words to use w/his brother, but now they're both catching on.

        my struggle w/this is, once the toy's been grabbed from another child's hands and you can't convince the grabber to give back, do you physically take the toy and return it? i hate the idea of saying "no taking" while you're taking it from them. it feels the same as saying "we don't hit" while you smack your child's hands. and yet, i don't want the one who was taken from to always feel victimized. any ideas?

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        • #5
          Ugh. I must have one very fixed, stubborn, and persistent child. I've tried those and several other tactics and NOTHING is working. When he wants something, he wants it and no negotiation, distraction, or anything will change it. Most of the kids he's taking things from get very upset about it, and the kids are always younger than he is. If I force him to share it or take turns, he gets really angry and moves his body in an aggressive manner, which has led him to accidentally hit another child or myself.

          If my gentle approaches don't work, which it usually doesn't, I've resorted to removing the other child from the scene and playing with that child in another location to let him know that we don't want to play with someone who is upsetting our friends. I say this to him too. I know it's just a stage and that it will pass. It's just so annoying when you are watching other children on occasion.

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          • #6
            my sweet 2 year old does take toys from others. here is how i handle it typically...
            if the other child is upset, then i say something like, "oh, that little boy is sad, see he's crying, because you took the truck from him. he still wants to play with it. he would feel happy if you gave it back.
            usually he'll give the toy back and we'll find something else to play with.
            if the child doesn't mind that he took it, i'll say something like, "well, if you're going to play with that then you should give him something so you can trade." he'll give the child another toy and say, "trade."

            okay, gotta run, he just woke up from a nap.
            --rebecca

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            • #7
              Originally posted by runrebeccaray View Post
              my sweet 2 year old does take toys from others. here is how i handle it typically...
              if the other child is upset, then i say something like, "oh, that little boy is sad, see he's crying, because you took the truck from him. he still wants to play with it. he would feel happy if you gave it back.
              usually he'll give the toy back and we'll find something else to play with.
              if the child doesn't mind that he took it, i'll say something like, "well, if you're going to play with that then you should give him something so you can trade." he'll give the child another toy and say, "trade."

              okay, gotta run, he just woke up from a nap.
              --rebecca
              I wish this would work. I hope it will in a short while. My son doesn't seem to care at all! The conflict has mainly arose with a child I watch who is high-needs and often needs to be in physical contact with me while I'm watching. I'm guessing this behavior of my son is because he is so jealous of it. Who knows

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