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No spanking mom vs. spanking dad

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  • No spanking mom vs. spanking dad

    I'm hearing this more and more from AP moms and non-AP moms. They do not spank and don't believe in it. Their partner agrees until the child is a bit older then starts spanking citing they won't learn respect/a lesson/etc. How on earth do you even start to try to help a mom in this situation?

    I'm really lucky to have a DH who is totally on board and pretty much agrees with everything. We have very similar ideology with most life things. So, I can't even wrap my head around getting through to a partner that is that different.

    What are some good anti-spanking resources? Has anyone found any geared towards military families too?

  • #2
    I am very curious to see other people's responses to this.

    My husband is pro-spanking. Even at age 2. He says that by the time ds will turn 5 or 6 he will be "set in his ways" , and that now is the time to show him who is boss...he doesn't want to do it a lot but he insists that a "healthy fear" is a good thing.

    We have run up against this argument again, and again. And again. I've considered divorce over it. But like he said, then we would be still be parenting our own ways, except seperately, and everyone would be miserable. So, we're hanging in there....it's ok most of the time, but I can see him having to hold himself back from hitting ds sometimes, especially when ds hits him. I've tried to explain how hitting for hitting does not make sense, but he doesn't get it. He holds fast to the ideal that "My son will respect me." And I agree, I just don't agree with his method, of course. So I'm really trying to work with ds on finding alternative ways to express his anger other than hitting...but in the heat of the moment, it's not easy for him to remember, of course.

    And I've tried reading some passages from books to him...most of the time he says that i'm just reading books that support my point of view, so I'm being one-sided and closed-minded. So I don't even think anti-spanking resources are going to help us....counseling, perhaps? I'm not really sure how to compromise as far as this goes.....

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    • #3
      I found this resource a while back---- it is very mainstream, so should be accessible to a pro-spanker. The alternatives suggested are not AP, but is the first step away from hitting as a tool of child rearing.

      END PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT OF CHILDREN
      (EPOCH-USA)

      http://www.stophitting.org/disathome/

      This is good! Spanking: Facts and Fiction http://www.stophitting.org/disathome...AndFiction.php

      Good luck! I can only imagine how difficult that situation is Mama Pisces.
      Last edited by naomifrederickmd; 06-10-2008, 06:11 PM.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by naomifrederickmd View Post

        This is good! Spanking: Facts and Fiction http://www.stophitting.org/disathome...AndFiction.php
        That is good....I'm going to have to save that and hopefully find a good time to show it to DH.

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