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Help with changes

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  • Help with changes

    As I sit here looking at a blinking cursor, I wonder how, and where, to begin. Arianna is now 5 years old and started kindergarten last month. We have noticed several changes in our usually easygoing child recently. I'm hoping you all can help me with figuring out what I might be missing. Sometimes it is easier to come up with possible solutions when you aren't emotionally involved.

    When Arianna is asked to do something she does not want to do, she voices her feelings of not wanting to do x, y,or z. Normally we can sit down with her and talk about how she is feeling and are able to move beyond the initial "I do not want to do what you have asked." Lately, she has not been talking and has instead started hitting, yelling, and saying hurtful things. She does not want to be anywhere around my husband or myself. The only place she will begin to calm down is in her room after she screams at us to leave. She will calm down as soon as we walk out of the door, but goes back to the same when we walk back in or if she opens her door to find one of us sitting on the floor. I can understand why she chooses her room since we each use our room when we need a few minutes to ourselves.

    I have not been able to get to the cause of these outbursts. I thought maybe she was tired from the change in her schedule now that she has school every morning. She didn't have school this morning, was able to sleep until she woke on her own, and it happened again. There also doesn't appear to be anything that happens just before that I might be able to change.

    My heart aches to see her so upset about something that can be so minor. Could she be at an age where she wants to deal with being upset on her own? What happened to the tools she was using so well in the past?

    I hope this post is clearer than my mind is right now.

  • #2
    my first thought is that the beginning of kindergarden is a huge transition for her and this is causing her to feel internally unsettled. the same thing happened w/my ds and i have friends (AP) who experienced the same. hostility, rage, defiance, were all characteristics. we're now about 8 weeks into the K year and finally, everything has settled. we've gone back to normal communication for the most part. i think giving her some time to get through this new phase will allow you to see improvements. continue to do the same things you've been doing, respect her need for privacy, and model empathy (although it's tough!).


    • #3
      It sounds like this has been really tough on your family. I wonder if your daughter is going through a range of emotions relating to starting school and just having a really hard time processing them? Are you able to talk to her about this at times when she is not emotionally upset? Have you tried guessing what may be wrong to help her express it? For example, "Are you feeling scared about being away from us when you're at school?," "Is school fun for you?", "Do you wish you weren't going to school?," etc. Hopefully, with your modeling, she will be able to articulate what she is feeling so that you can better brainstorm solutions.