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  • seeking support

    i need some advice. I am physically and emotionally exhausted and am unable to catch a break. as a result my AP skills are less than stellar and my dd is receiving the brunt of my impatience. What i want to know is, How do you cope with parenting under difficult circumstances? As she's napping right now, I can reflect on how i made poor choices in handling her tantrums and her "strong will" today. I had to put myself in a timeout and leave her crying for me because I couldn't handle it. I hate when i end up losing my temper and yelling back and basically turn into a 2yo myself. Then i worry about scarring her or something on days i lose it and seem to throw AP out the window. I feel like the worst mom sometimes. We practice AP in all areas, but sometimes positive discipline, empathy, and patience can be the biggest struggle. Thanks for letting me vent. And thanks for any advice.

  • #2
    i'm sorry you're having such a tough time of it. we all have days where we don't live up to our expectations, do things we shouldn't, need to put ourselves in timeout, etc. it comes with parenting. remember, there is no such thing as perfect parenting.

    it is especially difficult when we are stressed out or unable to operate on all four cylinders. try doing whatever it is you need to do to come to a more centered place, tend to your own needs, so that you can balance the needs of your family.

    you didn't give any specific examples of what you need help w/, but if there's something more, please let me know and i'll try to help.

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    • #3
      Hello! Yes, I have been there also!
      Forgive yourself, apologise to your child and try to develop skills for the next tough times.
      That's all you can really do!
      When your feeling good try to set aside a "breakdown" shoebox full of special items for your child so you can have that time out when you need it.
      I have gone over to a neighbors in a pinch too, just for a change of scenery and to give myself a mental break (with the children.) I explain that I just need a few minutes with another adult to take the edge off. She is a young mother also so totally understands!

      Do you have a support group near you or sympathetic friends. Those types of connections are really wonderful in those types of situations.

      Once again I think the "find your triggers" section in THIS book would be really wonderful for you. It has helped me in those challenging momments!
      Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

      Give yourself a hug! You are trying your best!

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      • #4
        thanks so much for your replies. I'm definitely going to check out that book. I think i was just going through a lot--company came and went, dh working and studying for finals, nasty weather kept us cooped up, holiday stress. i do find that winter brings feelings of depression and anxiety in general. I liked the special box idea--maybe i'll keep some of her christmas presents stored away for times i need a break

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        • #5
          Hello, I just remembered about this article

          Managing Your Own Anger
          What to do When You Want to Have a Tantrum
          by API Staff & Tricia Jalbert
          API News, June 2000


          It has some helpful stuff in it!

          A very similar take on the trigger part tin the book I already recommended.

          We have had a rough day today after 5 days of non-stop holiday stuff the kids are just exhausted and overstimulated. On those days, it helps for my husband and I to lower our standard of cleanliness and timeliness. We can all be cleaner and on time tomorrow when we are feeling better!

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