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persistent/nuclear powered 10 mo

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  • persistent/nuclear powered 10 mo

    We have a 10 month old DD that is very smart - she waves, claps, tries to walk, crawls – very fast I must say, turns things on and off, etc. My husband and I very much subscribe to AP for example we do not and have never used the CIO method for sleeping, Margot also co-sleeps with her crib next to our bed, we rarely if ever use the word no, we use diversion techniques, etc. My husband however is starting to notice that it appears that Margot is crying when she does not get something she wants or cannot do something she wants. He/we don’t understand the difference between attending to our DD needs and creating rules. Some of which are for her safety i.e. not falling off the bed while DH reads a nighttime story because she wants to run around all over the bed. So to be specific DH baths Margot, gets her ready for bed and part of the routine is to read to her before I nurse her to sleep (the only way she will go to sleep without crying). All Margot wants to do is run around the bed do we (a) try and find some other nighttime thing to do (b) keep putting her back in place to read with her even though she gets upset (c) or skip the whole nighttime reading routine and nurse her to sleep (d) other suggestions/ideas. To sum it up my husband basically feels we have a wonderful, loving, incredibly active daughter who cries when she does not get to do what she wants when she wants to do it and will only go to sleep by being nursed. Is the strategy to ride this out until she can comprehend better? We just want to raise an independent, happy child not a dependent little one.

  • #2
    it is completely normal for a child to cry when they don't get what they want. just as you or i get frustrated/angry/upset, etc when things don't go our way, so do infants and children. the difference is that they are just learning to deal w/their emotions and they don't have the verbal skills you or i do to say "hey, that really bugs me!"

    it is also common for a child to enjoy nursing to sleep. if you feel she is telling you she just wants to get to and then go to sleep, then follow her cueing. it sounds like you're doing a great job, don't worry about the independence thing. babies at this age are supposed to be very dependent.


    • #3
      My husband however is starting to notice that it appears that Margot is crying when she does not get something she wants or cannot do something she wants.
      This is healthy and a necessary stage of development. If she never expressed herself I would be a little worried!

      Rules (especially at this young of age) should be flexible and while listening to your child's needs. Your needs as parents whom want a certain type of behavior should have some place of course..but in balance.
      Could your daughter be telling you that she is not tired yet?
      Could she be telling you that this bedtime routine is not working for her (It seems to not be working for you!)
      What else do you think she could be trying to communicate?

      Remember to keep nighttime routine can always reintroduce books in a few months, or take away a bath if she seems too tired that night... Etc
      She seems that she is really hitting some major developmental milestone right now so must be extra excited! It can be hard to transition from the compliant, stationary infant to a full of personality toddler! Change your expectations to reflect her new growth.

      Here are some links you might want to check out.

      "I Want It Now!"—Children's Wants and Needs

      The Three Rs of Behavior Management: Rules, Rituals, and Routines
      By Thomas Knestrict



      Toddler Communication

      She will move on at some point I am sure...Keep your chin up!
      Last edited by naomifrederickmd; 02-17-2009, 07:07 AM. Reason: spell checker working!


      • #4
        Thank you both so much for responding so quickly. My husband and I really appreciate hearing another person's perspective. I think we have fallen into the proverbial well my child does this and my child does that, etc and we lose site of the big picture, especially in our state of much needed sleep. Thank you both again, we really appreciate it!