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Big brother hits baby sister

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  • Big brother hits baby sister

    Here's an interesting article about violence between siblings. Well, it's not actually an article but an answer to a question someone asked Naomi Aldort on mothering.com

    It's the first question on the page:

    http://mothering.com/sections/expert...hive.html#hits


    P.S. luckymaofj&a if you're reading this, how are things going with you two LOs?

  • #2
    Thanks for the link to that article. Its always nice to be reminded that my son is not trying to be malicious towards his sister and others.

    Things have still been pretty rough. I now pretty much keep the two kids seperated, because I couldnt handle the baby being hit, bit, pinched the amount that she was. It was like every chance he got, he went after her. So at least that part is better(the baby being hurt less), and he doesnt seem to be too put out by the physical seperation, although he does still attempt to hit her. He is still being very aggressive though. The other day a neighbor stopped by with her 13 month old and he was giving her (the 13 mth old) hugs and kisses, and then proceeded to bite her on the lip so hard it bled! Its so frustrating and even depressing to have your child hurt other children. I feel like I cannot take him around any other children because he always ends up hurting them! I dont really know what to do about that.

    As far as how I have been handling his behavior,to be honest, I have not been how I would ideally like to be. I'm actually feeling like I may have a slight touch of post partum depression. So I feel like I;ve been more angry and even at times apathetic towards his behavior and the reasons behind them. I feel horrible saying that, and have been feeling lately like a horrible mom. I have been trying "gentle " timeouts where I will just have him sit down after he hits or whatever and try to hug or kiss him, and explain that hitting hurts and that its not okay to hurt. But after reading the article you recommended, maybe I am creating feelings of shame and guilt. Its so hard sometimes to know whats the right or best thing to do. I am trying very hard to see him as I know he really is- gentle, loving, content, everything thats there under the frusrtation.

    I have also been butting heads with Dad over the approach. I've gotten lots of criticism that my way is not working, and he is wanting to do it his way, which is spanking, and I am absolutely opposed to that. I have told him about the articles and he seems open to reading them, but hasnt yet. I dont think that he really wants to spank him, but is feeling so frustrated as well, and doesnt know what else to do.

    Sorry I vented my heart out here, but I feel like there is no one to talk to that really understands or supports me in a way that is helpful, and I figure here people are a little more in tune, or at the very least are moms too, and may possibly have gone through some of the same things.

    So, I'm trying my best, and will continue to work on raising my family the way I think is best. I suppose thats all one can do!

    Comment


    • #3
      this sounds so hard. i'm sorry you're having such a tough time w/your little guy! if what you're doing isn't "working", then try to answer some questions for yourself:
      What are my long-term goals here? What kind of relationship do i want w/my child? How do i want him to perceive the world around him?

      trying to teach him to not hit by hitting him, will send a very mixed message. try to ask dh if it makes sense to say "don't hit" then to hit your son. it will also continue to diminish and shame him.

      if he is happy w/the separation, perhaps he is trying to tell you he needs time away from the baby. honor his message. he's still so young to try and understand why this foreign object has come into his life and ruined it (from his perspective). he's no longer the center of attention, mommy is preoccupied, everyone loves on this thing, what about me, etc.

      good luck to you and keep us posted!

      Comment


      • #4
        I think you're doing super trying to adjust with all that is going on.

        About your potential post-partum depression--can you get away just by yourself? Or just with the baby or just with your DS? Remember to eat right and get plenty of essential fatty acids and B vitamins. It helps!

        Also, I forget if I asked this, but have you tried asking your son what he wants and how he feels? That might help. It might be something simple, and he would feel like he was 'part of the solution.'

        Keep us posted!

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