I have always tried to show positive examples of love and behaviour but lately my 3 year old has been whacking me on the face and this morning she whacked her dad because he wanted to say goodbye before work.
Last week she whacked another girl, the girl was not hurt but I struggled as the mother of the child told me she 'would not put up with that' and wondered how I 'remain so calm'... I told my daughter that hands were not for hitting and that I knew she felt angry. She is very emotional anyway and when she gets angry she finds it hard to express herself without shouting. She answered me as she always does when I say 'we mustn't do that because people feel hurt etc' by saying 'I want to hurt X, she stole my toast' (she did take Missy's toast when she wasn't looking).
Sometimes when I say 'it hurts Mummy when you do that, or I don't want you to do that because it makes people feel sad or hurt' she just yells the contrary- 'I WANT to hurt, I WANT to slap, I WANT to be horrible''...
I get so upset because I feel like I am telling her what to do which lets face it isn't exactly intrinsically motivating is it....I know she is 3 but I have started to yell (occassionally) at her which I am very ashamed of, I have apologised and tried to explain why I did it and that it is not a good thing because it upsets people...I am hoping that she realises as time goes on that I can be wrong too.
I don't know how to deal with this at all as it's pretty regular at teh moment. I can see her just being at odds and me feeling a bit pathetic and someone who cannot communicate with my child which is certainly what I don't want.
Another additional thing is that she is very jealous of me cuddling her dad, and often wants to get inbetween us, she yells that 'Mummy is MY mummy not yours' I try to show that I have time for Daddy and she started spending some time alone with Daddy but she often wants just me. (she is 3 and 4 months and has ALWAYS been this way, it's as if she doesn't like him very much sometimes which I know isn't the case.
IS this common? (Until about 6 months ago he worked like a madman as we lived in DUbai and she saw much less of him than she does here in SYdney plus prolonged breaks away in the UK the two of us...plus she is breastfed bfore bed but thats never enough she is always asking at night too )..
Anyway a very long and tangled e mail starting with agression and probably an over emotional response but I value the input or ideas more enlightened attached parents might have for me. I don't believe in traditional timeout methods or withdrawel of love type things but I REALLY on't know what to do for the best.
Look forward to replies and sorry for my typos it's 7.30 am here yawn...