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The screaming is putting me over the edge

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  • #16
    i think it's okay to express to her how the screaming is making you feel. so saying something like, "i know your upset. it's okay for you to scream, but it really hurts my ears. so if you're going to scream please find a place that is safe to do it. when you're ready to talk, i'll be here." that way you're acknowledging both of your needs.

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    • #17
      I hear you.

      I believe it is so important, and helps raise an empathic and compassionate child, to express your feelings to your child. Letting her know, "when you scream it hurts my head and ears and its hard for me to think." Its natural and normal to scream and express feelings, "why don't we open the door and you can scream out the door?" That way both needs, hers for expressing her anger, sadness, etc and yours for peace and serenity, are being met? Children should see we all have needs.

      We "attempt" to help our children with this in our home and I have been known, a time or ten, to open the door myself and say "I am feeling so frustrated, or angry, etc" very loudly. I almost always feel better after releasing some steam in an appropriate space. My neighbors think I am crazy, but thats another story!!

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      • #18
        it's good to hear you all say this because my husband thought it was inappropriate of me to express my frustrations to the kids the other day. i can't get through the day without telling them, "when you ignore me, it makes me upset" or "when you kick & yell & scream at me, it makes me angry....and i don't like feeling angry." it could've been my tone of voice dh disagreed with but he still questioned my blatant confession of feeling frustrated to the kids. i agree that they need to hear how we're feeling just as much as we encourage them to express how they're feeling.

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        • #19
          well, i think "you're frustrating me" and "i feel frustrated when..." are two different statements. so if you are separating your feelings from who your children are, then it's absolutely appropriate to do so. if you don't, who is going to teach them that other people have feelings? if you don't express appropriate ways of feeling anger/frustrated/upset, how will they learn it? they may grow to think that it's not okay to have these feelings, or that these feelings are something to be ashamed of. but i believe no feelings are wrong, only the actions we sometimes perform. clear as mud?

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          • #20
            Screaming

            I have a 2.5 yo ds and 5.5 yo dd and find that the screaming days are almost always (not every single time) correlated with the way I start my day and the energy I am exuding. I always have to pay attention to my mood and how it affects them. That said, I see that Liam's screaming tends to be more intense than Alyssa's ever has been. Because he is the youngest and maybe feels he gets the short end of the stick from his sister a lot of the time, he screams more and louder. I feel there is definitely a component of innate personality that exists there.

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            • #21
              very good point, mammalisa.....and i totally agree. i recently got a wonderful book ~ Present Moment Wonderful Moment, Mindfulness Verses for Daily Living. The first verse is for waking up & it goes like this

              Waking up this morning, I smile.
              Twenty-four brand new hours are before me.
              I vow to live fully in each moment
              and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.

              I've been trying to recite this each morning to start our day off right!

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              • #22
                Originally posted by koru View Post
                very good point, mammalisa.....and i totally agree. i recently got a wonderful book ~ Present Moment Wonderful Moment, Mindfulness Verses for Daily Living. The first verse is for waking up & it goes like this

                Waking up this morning, I smile.
                Twenty-four brand new hours are before me.
                I vow to live fully in each moment
                and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.

                I've been trying to recite this each morning to start our day off right!
                Originally posted by mammalisa View Post
                I have a 2.5 yo ds and 5.5 yo dd and find that the screaming days are almost always (not every single time) correlated with the way I start my day and the energy I am exuding. I always have to pay attention to my mood and how it affects them.
                You both are SO right and gave a great reminder to myself today!
                Thank you for the wonderful verse!
                I love it!

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                • #23
                  i am DECIDING to have a great one today, too. of course, it reeeeeallly helps that i had a good night's sleep

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by PaxMamma View Post
                    i am DECIDING to have a great one today, too. of course, it reeeeeallly helps that i had a good night's sleep
                    i had a good night's sleep, too! one of the best in a very long time.

                    just as an update, the things i've been working on to teach dd2 the art of speaking & not screaming are...

                    * waking up with a positive attitude

                    * talking with her early in the day about the expectations (if she cries or screams in attempts to commicate, she will be asked to speak kindly. if she can't, and continues to scream, she will be asked to go into a different room until she can stop screaming)

                    * being continually conscious of my tone of voice & my reactions to her actions

                    these are the basics and so far, so good. i also have to say, the nicer weather has done wonders for her attitude (and mine, too). she's just ooooo happy when she can play outside all day!

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                    • #25
                      Haha, sorry to laugh at your misery. I haven't read the replies but you just described me as a child. My poor mom...I don't know how she did. I've seen kids like me and your dd. Its just a "I'm a control-freak-loud-over-the-top-kinda-girl" personality trait. Your description of her sounds exactly like the way my mom talks about my personality as a kid (and now). One minute she'll have you hysterically laughing and the next you want to throttle her. Sorry no advise just wanted to tell you you are not alone. Take heart, this is the type of mantra that gets me through my own spirited kid: Its hard on me now but this kid will grow up to be one cool adult. At least I think I am.

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