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Parenting without Punishment or Reward...Really?

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  • Parenting without Punishment or Reward...Really?

    Larissa Dann from Australia was 31 years old. In her arms, she held another life. He was warm, pliable and soft, caked in afterbirth, and seemed breakable. Such a huge realization: Larissa had to grow up now as she was largely responsible for meeting all her son's needs – his nutrition, his physical and emotional needs, his safe passage through life.

    "I was also, overwhelmingly, in love. There was, I realized, a dilemma for me. In my entire life, I think I had only ever held one baby. I did not know how to change nappies or what to do when he cried. All I had to guide me through this parenting jungle was the dimly remembered and experienced way I was brought up. That way meant lots of affection. It also meant lots of smacking."
    Read about Larissa parenting transformation at Use the login provided to you in the fall/winter issue of The Attached Family magazine or at

  • #2
    Child abuse is never justified. But if you neglect to punish a child by his / her bad behavior you actually say that baby you do not care about them. This is why God gave us examples laid. Spare the rod spoil the child. In fact there are many ways to discipline a child, and physical strength needed very rarely, if you know how to teach children proper behavior, then reward them right away. Continue structure showing them examples of good behavior, but not always reward them with gifts or candy all the time. Children should be taught reward for good behavior is the pride and respect that it comes at yielding good behavior. Children will do almost anything for love.


    • #3
      Remember that a punishment and a reward are each just an external locus of control. In attachment parenting, we aim to teach children internal motivation for knowing how to behave; not using a behaviorist approach by issuing punishments and rewards. This would only teach children that their behavior should be based on a fear of what will happen to them, or the promise of a treat.

      Children do not need to be punished in order to learn appropriate behavior. On the contrary, children know parents care about them when there is time taken to connect with them about their behavior and guide them in a loving way. This involves listening, validating feelings, focusing on solutions, and working together. Nothing in AP is about what to do TO a child so that he "learns a lesson".

      I agree with you about physical punishment...although I would say it is never needed, not "rarely".