For instance, what is an appropriate response to not being home by curfew? Repeatedly?
What about refusal to do homework? The "natural consequence" of this is receiving poor grades. Do we just let that happen? Or refusing to turn in things such as community service hours documentation, which is a requirement to graduate from high school?
Are there any good books about preteen and teenager discipline? I do understand the concept of children only behaving a certain way in response to a need they have, and I guess that the teenager's need in this case would be to feel in control. We offer up choices in many arenas so that our older kids feel that opportunity, but it doesn't seem to be enough.
Also you should know, in case you haven't read my other posts on other topics, that these particular kids (my stepkids) just moved in with us a year ago. They were 11 and 15 at the time, and had essentially raised themselves up until that point, with few consistent rules. They had also experienced physical and emotional abuse in their previous environment, and lived with an alcoholic parent. So it's not as though we've been able to raise them since birth. We've always been in their lives, but were not the primary caregivers.
Thanks for reading,