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  • hates getting dressed/diaper

    Hi,

    I'm having an very frustrating day ... i am at a loss on some things.

    DD is 25 mo old and has really been hating getting her diaper changed. so much that i've stopped using cloth and been using paper so i only have to do it as minimal times / day as neccessary. and usually it goes better in the car. when we go somewhere, when we get there, i just get her out of her car seat, change her and we are good to go.

    also with it getting colder, she refuses jacket, socks, shoes. i let her pick out outfits, etc. i do what i can with getting the car warm first then just taking her out to it. and letting her choose ... she keeps asking to go outside, but as soon as i say lets get a jacket on then she's done. she'd rather just stay inside. which is fine; i think i hate staying in more than her :| when it was warm, i let her be naked as much as possible and inside i still do.

    today, she woke up and wanted to go bye byes right after breakfast. so we went to the park and i got her out and laid her in the car like always to change her diap and get some warm clothes on (clothes she had picked out). she wasn't having it. so i told her i'd wait until she was ready. this had previously been fairly successful in the house. when she's laying down, i dont let her get up, but i hate fighting/forcing to get the diap on, so i just tell her to let me know when she's ready and eventually she says okay and i can put the diap on no problem. so i tried this in the car, and everytime i asked she wasn't ready. she watned to nurse. so we did that and i got her old diap off while nursing. afterwards, i laid her down again ... no luck. i offered to change her outside, she said ok, but then woudlnt let me. this went on for about a half hour. i told her lets just go home. i tried to put her in the car seat and she wanted to nurse. i told her lets just try to ride and see how it goes with full intention of if she was upset for long, stopping and getting her back out. she was fine by the time i got to the drivers seat, but i had to force her in the carseat against her will and i *hate* doing that. i was out of patience

    i dont know what to do here. i dont want to use bribes/punishments. what is the difference tho between saying 'you need a jacket to go outside' ... where is the line between what needs done and what is seen by her as a bribe to get a jacket on?

    so, now we are home ... she's got on nothing but a shirt. usually when she has to pee, she'll ask for a diap then want it off after she pees. today she has refused all offers of a diap or potty. she peed on the floor so, i picked her up, disrupting her, and took her to the bathroom and said 'oops, pee pee goes in the potty' and she refused and still doesn't want a diap. but she didtn finish peeing. i dont want to force the potty thing but i wasn't sure what to do. again :|

    and i'm reading Hold Onto Your Kids and it talks about parenting power thru attachment and it makes me feel like something is lacking in my relationship w/ DD :|

    sorry this is so long ... thx for taking the time to read and i look very forward to any responses!
    Last edited by KaitlynsMamma; 10-22-2010, 12:50 PM.

  • #2
    Hi Kim,

    I don't have much time to write, but as I read your post I remembered my daughter also hating diaper changes. We switched to pull-ups at a fairly young age and she was muc happier with not having to lie down for changes.


    Adrienne

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    • #3
      i'm wondering what would happen if you just let her go outside w/inappropriate clothing. my guess is that after playing for a couple minutes, she'd get cold. you could just carry a jacket with you to the slide or swings, and if she's cold, she'll ask for it and you'll be ready. a short amount of time won't harm her at all.

      as for the AP books, i know that they can sometimes give the impression that a securely attached child will magically follow every direction a parent gives. i'm here to tell you that's not true, and not what i really believe they intend to communicate. so don't let mommy guilt settle where there is no cause. the idea is that securely attached children feel better and so act better, but that does not mean 100% compliance.

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      • #4
        Hie Kim,

        After a child's second birthday they are capable of using the potty on their own, getting better as the weeks go by. I'm not saying I know when your child is ready becasue only the parent know what they're child is capable of and what they're not, but looking at the signs I think your daughter is ready to get completely out of nappies. Potty train her. Put news papers all over the carpet if you have to, let her wee on the floor, don't disrupt her just put the potty under her.

        I was chasing my two yr old with a potty in one hand and a vanish spray in the other lool I actually had a laugh. You sound tense, relax, this an experience where you should be laughing at her mistakes and thinking its cute ( not teling you how to feel or patronzing) There was times when my one would sit on the potty forgetting to take her nickers off and it would be such a laugh.

        Some children DO resist potty training, and I realised that my one was afraid of it at first, she wouldn't even want to sit on it initially, then after wards she would run into another room to do it ( I think she was ashamed) so we began to jump up and down and clap for her if she even did a little trickle in it, then she stopped resisting and would look forward to going and pouring the contents in the toilet and pushing the toilet flush button. (make it fun for them) then the next step was getting her to stop resisting doing bowel movements in the potty, at this point I became frustrated because I know what she's capable of. So when she resisted I would speak very sternly and tell her NO! she then understood that I wasn't accpeting poo on the floor and she began to sit in her potty and do it in there.

        Now I have a potty trained 25 month old. But you have to keep at it though, and be consistent. She's now begining to stay dry at night to, but that is something that they do on thier own.

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        • #5
          Sounds like you need a break from the struggles. Have you tried talking to her about it. Doing the problem solving together tell her your problem help her tell you hers and then work on ideas from there. We too swithed to pull ups really early on to avoid the laying down. And on days when she keeps taking it off, that's our new struggle I tell her she at least has to wear undies. Which she is okay with. I got really cheap ones at target for her. They don't help with accidents. but it reinforces the idea that she has to have something on, especially as it gets colder and colder out. If she tells me she doesn't want a coat or sweatshirt I don't push it but I always have one with me in case she decides it's cold out. I also only have weather appropriate clothes in her drawer so she can only pick out a long sleeve shirt and long pants as it's getting colder. I play up the fact that brr mommy is cold I want my nice warm coat today, and I usually get a me too, but sometimes she still refuses and I choose to think she knows her body better than I do. Good Luck.

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          • #6
            I agree with trying pull-ups. We gave up on diapers when our son was around 14 mos. We only required him to lay down for poop changes and would try to find something very interesting that held his attention. Daddy's calculator, the telephone, flashlights or Nose Frida are his favorites (whatever works!). As of late, the luster of this has started to wear off, but his dad found another method that our son now happily agrees with. We have a routine where he is in charge of getting out the changing pad, wipes, diaper and diaper cream. It's then our son's job to pull out the wipes for us (we tell him he has to lay down first and he agrees, because he enjoys his "job" of pulling out the wipes).

            If you're interested in potty training, do you have any child-centered books that may peak her interest? We're letting our son lead the way mostly, because otherwise he resists. Last week I purchased some cloth training pants and put them in his clothes drawer. I told him that when he learns to use the potty all of the time, then he will get to wear them instead of diapers. I don't really see it as a bribe, more of a logical sequence...letting him know what steps are necessary for him to be like mom and dad.

            We have also had car seat challenges off and on. I truly understand how frustrating and trying on the patience this can be. Sometimes you NEED to get out of the house and your child has a different agenda. What has worked recently for me has been to explain how important it is to be safe and wear our seatbelts. I also tell him stories about how the police want us to wear our seatbelts to be safe or how they will give us a ticket if we do not wear a seatbelt. I don't ever make it scary, just informative. He likes to know WHY we want him to wear a seatbelt. He's also very interested in hearing about policemen and women after I read him a book from the library, "Policeman Lou And Policewoman Sue". In fact, when we get into the car, he asks me to tell him about the police and seatbelts, etc. I tell him, after you sit down, I'll tell you a story. I hope this helps and best wishes in finding a solution.

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            • #7
              I Think you handled that day quite well and I like your solutions for diaper changing and clothes wearing. I find that my kids have become wise to certain things i do so having to rethink the solutions each time. Your email sounded really familiar and made me feel really relieved. Some days when Lily doesnt want to get dressed i say Ok Im not going to force you so we will wait til you are ready. Problem is i am stuck up in her room for hours. What do you do then?. You just allow them to be naked all day? I love reading about unconditional parenting and not forcing etc but seems so hard to do sometimes. I am new at it.
              . There is always a solution. But not always the same one each time. Seems to take up so much energy thinking up new creative solutions sometimes just don t have energy and fall back to punishing or forcing. Worse in longrun though. xxx lots of love and encouragement to you.

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