I've recently read "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn, and I definitely agree with all the major points he makes. The section on praise was especially interesting to me, as I feel I was raised to be a "praise junkie" and me own knee-jerk reaction to just about everything DS (24 months) does or says is "great!" or "wow!". I suppress all these comments and try to describe what he did or say nothing etc...but I have a question about saying "thank you" to him - if it could have the same effect on him that praising him could because I think I sometimes say thank you as a way to slightly manipulate him in the same way praising him would. That is, he does something that makes my life easier and I say "thank you" - I am careful to say it in a casual, non-excited, non-praising tone of voice, just as I would thank anyone else for making my life easier in some way (for example, handing me something I asked him to give me) so in that way, I am treating him as I would anyone else (any adult or child) but part of me is probably thanking him to try to reinforce him obedience and I hope he is not picking up on that in any way.....any ideas about this? I try not to over-do the thanking either but in general I think I tend to thank people a lot (as well as apologize a lot). Well, would love to hear any feedback on this. Thanks. Oh, also, now he says "thank you" to me every time he gives me something (perhaps an indication that I have been thanking him too much or just another instance where he is imitating me/what I usually say in that situation - something he tends to do a lot...
No announcement yet.
saying "thank you"