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Encouraging communication when upset...

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  • Encouraging communication when upset...

    My daughter is 4.5 (I still can't believe she's so old!) and is having issues with shutting down when she's upset, and I have NO idea how to help her.

    When she's triggered she either yells "don't talk to me" and walks/run away, or something to the effect of "then I won't play with _____ ever again" be it toy or person.

    I am happy she knows when she's at that point that she needs to escape, (she triggers pretty easily over certain things) but I am concerned. I give her space. If she chooses to leave the room that is her choice and I don't chase her. She asked (demanded) to be left alone and I respect that.

    I don't like her wording, and now her 2.5 year old brother is yelling the same things. I have sat with both of them when they're in calm spirits and asked them to say something like what Mama says. "I need to be alone right now" "can I have a minute alone" or something to that effect, but I don't know that either one are old enough to understand being polite when upset.

    Is it ok for her to shut down for a bit if she talks about it afterward? I want to be sure that she's dealing with the feelings of being upset, that we get a chance to talk about it, etc. Am I asking too much?

    Thanks for any feedback.

  • #2
    She's requesting space when she's angry which is incredibly mature. Many adults don't recognize that about themselves. Continue to support her through the anger, model when she screams, say something like "I see that you need some alone time right now." It'll take lots of time, modeling, and practice, but it seems like you're well on your way!