I am switching over to NVC, and am having some troubles with my 2.5 year old son. He is less verbal than many of his peers (we're a bilingual family, which I think is the cause of it, besides him being a boy), and does not tell us what or when things are bothering him. I'm not very empathetic so I try very hard to read his body language, but am often at a loss. He's a loud kid to begin with, but when he gets upset, he just starts screaming (as well as hitting and on occasion kicking), and when he's awake, so is EVERYBODY else.
Sleep has always been our big problem- he simply does not like it and some days simply will not nap. Then the afternoons/evenings are horrid. The more tired he is, the worse a time I have getting him to nap.
I have been trying to use the "I-statements" with him....trying to tell him, in terms he can understand that "I need quiet time" and his baby sister (7 mo) "needs to sleep". All he does is scream louder, throw things, and kick walls. He'll ask me to lay down with him (I happily comply- I love sleeping with him), but he just wiggles and sees it as poke mommy time, whereas I really DO need the nap.
This happens in other situations too, but nap-time is the big fight, only slightly less big is bedtime. I don't want to use my power anymore, but I can't let him disturb his sister (he ALWAYS wakes her up when he sees her sleeping...I have to hide her).
I do try to give him floor time, but between his sister and keeping house/feeding everyone I don't have as much time as either he or I would like. 95% of the time he's a great kid- lots of energy and tries really hard to please me, it's mostly just about sleep (and a few other times when we have to say 'no').
So besides just a general plea for advice I have some questions:
Am I expecting too much of him to respect others at this age? He's physically always developed "on time", but mentally/emotionally he's a little later than average (like his momma). I often feel like I underestimate him, but he is so young.
How have others of you re-directed behavior in toddlers, without using your power, but making sure everyone's (or at least sibling's) needs are met?
The corner doesn't work, I try really really hard not to get rough or spank ( I do slip though, thankfully rarely....working on myself, too). Time-in doesn't help....he just starts playing.
The books I've read are "Playful Parenting", "P.E.T.", "How to talk so kids will listen...." and "Siblings without rivalry". I feel like I'm set for when the kids are older, but these toddler years are a big hole and I'd really like to be using these techniques NOW. If any of you know books that focus on the toddler years, I'd LOVE the references....amazon searches have come up nil.....
Sorry this is long....thanks in advance for all your advice!