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Troubles with independant toileting! (4yo)

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  • Troubles with independant toileting! (4yo)


    I am having difficulty getting my 4 yo daugther to use the bathroom on her own for a wee!

    I know that she is perfectly capable of using the toilet, wiping herself and then washing her hands - all on her own. (She used to do this at nursey a year ago).

    I have been having trouble with just washing of hands when I have done everything else. It was either through not wanting to because it was uninteresting (i think) or because she would say that she couldn't wash all the soap off. Luckily a recent trip to a family member's house brought the discovery of 'foaming soap' which seems to have made hand washing a lot more interesting and it washes off really easily.

    But still I need to be there in the bathroom, often holding her hand and she doesn't want to wipe herself. There can be a complete meltdown over it - with lots of tears and upset - it is turning into a real battle. I am getting really upset as I could really do with not having to take her to the bathroom all the time.

    I wanted to go 'cold turkey' and get her to wipe herself and wash her hands each time but I have a 5 month old son too and so if he is having a nap it is very difficult to have lots of loud noise (he's not the best sleeper!). So i have wiped her myself during nap times when we need to be quiet or I have not felt like having a battle.

    I am feeling really upset about the situation and I am getting really wound up at the point of her refusing. I have told her that 'she is old enough' and that 'if I'm not around (which is virtually never) that she will need to be able to go to the toilet herself', but I know that these things don't mean anything to her. So today I decided to take it back to basics and handed her a bit of toilet roll and asked her nicely to wipe - which was met by promptly throwing the tissue down the toilet!! Ahhh. I'm not sure how to do this with love and respect and get results!!

    I'm struggling. I don't know what I can do. I don't want to be shouting or for LO to be getting really upset each time. Do I have to just wait it out?

    Any ideas???


  • #2
    Does she tend to be stubborn or is this kind of new behavior for her? Do you think she just needs more mommy time right now for whatever reason? Or maybe she is resisting growing up and being big?

    Sorry, I don't really have suggestions as to what to do. My son (4 next month) refuses to try to go before we leave the house or before bed and it always results in a meltdown. He'll only go when he has to go really bad and is about to pee his pants. He's really stubborn though and hates to be told what to do. He just barely learned to go in the potty because he refused to try. We just waited him out and didn't push and it eventually happened.

    Hang in there, maybe this is just a phase with your daughter that will pass quickly. Maybe she's trying to assure herself that mommy is still there for her even now that she is getting "big".